Polka Spots and Freckle Dots Turns Ten!

Today, my little place on the Internet turned ten years old! 

Where has the time gone?

I can't believe I've been blogging here for a whole decade. Okay, not quite a whole decade; days and weeks have passed in between posts, especially over the last few years, but  I've blogged at least once a month since I started my blog, and I think that's an accomplishment to be proud of. There aren't many hobbies I've committed myself to for so long- probably because it's had a different purpose to most of the others.

When I created Polka Spots and Freckle Dots a decade ago, I didn't dream of making money from blogging, accumulating 'freebies', or becoming famous. I simply needed a distraction from living housebound with chronic pain, and wanted something to throw myself in to every day so that I had a reason to get up in the morning. I'd been housebound with chronic spinal pain for six months at that point, and, as you can imagine, I was frustrated, and going stir crazy. There's only so much reading and watching day time TV you can do day after day before you start losing the will to live.

I began reading body positivity and plus size fashion blogs soon after I got sick as a way to pass the time, and it was those blogs that inspired me to start sharing my own outfits online, hopeful that maybe it could also help me work towards finding some body confidence and self-acceptance. So, one late March evening in 2012, I finally swallowed my nerves, signed up to Blogger, wrote a quick introductory post, and hit publish before I could change my mind. And the rest, as they say, is history.

I never thought for a moment that I would still be blogging here an entire decade later, but I didn't think my life would turn out the way it has, either. Life is full of surprises.

Since the start, my blog has been so much more than just a hobby to me. At the risk of sounding cheesy, it's been a life line for me during ten of the most difficult years of my life. It's helped me cope with having chronic pain and illness, and the God awful symptoms that come along with it. It gave me an outlet while I came to terms with having my whole life turned upside down, and learned to get used to a new reality. It was there while I fought for diagnosis, went through scans and treatments, got diagnosed, and had frustrating or upsetting appointments with doctors and the DWP.  It's kept me occupied during countless lonely hours spent on bed rest, and given me something to throw myself in to every day; helping to keep the boredom at bay, and my brain working. It's provided me with a place to express myself and use my creativity, learn new skills, and challenge myself. It led me to some wonderful friends and readers I would never have known if it weren't for blogging, and helped me cope with the isolation and loneliness of living housebound. And for a while, it even helped me gain some body confidence, before I gained weight, and went back to square one. It's been so many things to me over the years, and I'll always be grateful for what it's done for me. I don't know how I would have got through the last ten years without it.

My blog has changed a lot during the last decade, morphing from a mostly plus-size fashion and beauty blog to an everything blog, as my health and finances declined and posing for outfit photos became too painful. I still miss blogging my outfits, but I rarely have the pennies for new clothes these days, so there's little hope of that pastime being revived any time soon.

Over the last ten years, I've written and published 1,642 blog posts- 1,643, if we count this one. That's a whole lotta posts on fashion, beauty, life, adventures, books, crafts, chronic illness, pets, and so much more. I could've churned out a lot more of them, but I've always strived for quality over quantity, and I'm proud of what I've created here. I've not always written the most interesting content, but I've always put 110% in to every blog post, and I like to think the quality of my writing and photos has improved a lot over the years. Of course, there's always been room for improvement, and as long as I'm blogging, I'll never stop working on it.

I may not have become a rich and famous influencer with a huge following, earning millions from my blog and gaining countless sponsorships, but that was never my goal. As nice as they are, likes and money aren't important to me. I've always blogged because I enjoy it, and needed a creative outlet, and would've kept blogging if I was writing for myself. I'm so grateful for the fantastic brands I've worked with and small following I do have, though, and I'm still amazed that anybody wants to read my posts and hear what I have to say. You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for your support and encouragement over the years, and all the kind comments and messages you've left for me. It means a lot.

I know I've not been the best blogger over the last few years, and have posted so sporadically- usually because I've not felt up to it or my brain fog has stolen my ability to string a sentence together- but I'm here trying almost every day. I've come to realise that I just can't create content at the same rate that I used to, no matter how hard I try. I want to keep blogging, and bring Polka Spots back to life with interesting content, and add more lifestyle posts, and reviews of the products I've used and enjoyed, but a few posts a month might be my limit now.  Either way, I'm not planning on going anywhere just yet, and while I have to put my health first, I'll do my best to keep creating whenever I feel up to it.

I've no intention of retiring Polka Spots just yet.

I don't know what the next ten years have in store for me or my blog, but here's hoping I'll still be here blogging, and finding comfort from it for many years to come.

Thanks again for supporting Polka Spots and Freckle Dots over the last decade.

Here's to the next ten years!

Want to go down memory lane with me? Here is a selection of posts from the last ten years:

The Muppets Christmas Carol Christmas Cards by Jenny Grene Illustration

Ten Years With Chronic Pain and Illness

An Accessible Birthday Trip to Whipsnade Zoo

Erstwilder Woodlands Collection

A Socially Distanced Trip to The Cotswold Wildlife Park

Erstwilder Care Bears Collection

What's in my Christmas Eve Box? 2019

Vendula London La Bicyclette de Vendula Box Bag Review*

The World in Stitches Modern Spectrum Mandala Cross Stitch

Cath Kidston Disney Alice in Wonderland Haul

My Handmade Felt Spring Flower Wreaths

How to Make Money Online By Answering Surveys

Cornish Adventures: St Michael's Mount

Cornish Adventures: St. Ives and Seal Island

Urban Decay Full Spectrum Eyeshadow Palette Review

My First Holiday With Chronic Pain

One Year With Rosie

Puppy Spam: Rosie 12-16 Weeks Old

My Quirky Brooch Collection 2016

Puppy Spam: Rosie 10-12 Weeks Old

Book Review: 642 Things to Write About Me

Once upon a Time in London

My Huge Cath Kidston Collection 2015

My Novelty Bag Collection 2015

What I Wore in 2014

Outfit: Red and Yellow Polka Dots

Zatchels Polka Dot Satchel Review

What an MRI Scan is Really Like

Outfit: Hearts and Polka Dots

Cut Make Trim Leather Barrel Bag Review*

Dressing Table Tour 2014: Make Up Storage

Zatchels Classic Satchel Review

Outfit: Coral, Turquoise, Flamingo and Pearls

The One Where it All Began

Nine Years With Chronic Pain

Today, I have officially been living with chronic pain and illness for nine whole years of my adult life.

One more year, and it will be an entire decade.

How did that happen?

Where did the time go?

One minute I was waking up to back pain as an able-bodied twenty-six year old, and now here I am, nine years later, aged thirty-five, still in pain, and chronically ill with Ankylosing Spondylitis, Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Degenerative Disc Disease, Bertolotti's Disease, and Tachycardia. I'll say it again: how did that happen?

I can still remember that first day as if it were yesterday.

At six am on the 8th of September 2011, I awakened to pain radiating from deep within my lower back. It was faint at first, but it felt different to any pain I'd ever felt before, and I instinctively knew something was wrong. Ironically, I was woken up by my sister who was sick and needed me to take her to A&E, so I did my best to ignore the pain, and took her to the hospital. I continued to ignore the pain in my back for almost two weeks, hoping if I kept working and moving around it would just go away on its own. Instead, it was getting worse day by day, and on the twelfth day, I came home from work after a nine hour shift and collapsed on the kitchen floor. I gave in and phoned the doctor, and while it took years to get diagnosed, from that point, my life was never the same again.

Sometimes it feels like no time at all has passed since those early days, and other times it feels like this has been my life forever. I've become so used to this way of life; living housebound with constant pain and fatigue, taking medication, regular trips to the doctor's, blood tests, treatments, flares, reduced mobility, rarely leaving the house, and needing help from family with every day tasks. It's just as normal to me now as my life before chronic illness was. (Although, if you'd have told me nine years ago that I would still be in pain nine years later and chronically ill with multiple conditions, I never would've believed you. In fact, I would've probably laughed in your face).

I made my peace with the changes to my life a long time ago, but of course, there are still days when I miss my old healthy life, and mourn what I've lost. I was only twenty-six when my life was turned upside down, and sometimes I do mourn all the things I've missed out on during what should've been some of the best years of my life. I'm only human. I had to give up my job and dreams of going back in to animal care. I lost friends when I got sick. I've missed out on travel and meeting new people, getting my own place, and a world of possibility. Sometimes I do feel sad thinking of what I've missed, and I can't help wondering where I'd be now if I hadn't gotten ill.

However, these thoughts only hit me occasionally (albeit, a little more frequently recently after realising how many years have passed) and I try not to think of the changes to my health and life too negatively too often. I shouldn't be thinking of it as a life lost. I'm not dead. Just because my life is different now, doesn't mean it has to be a terrible life. Yes, living with chronic illnesses is challenging every single day, but I have plenty of things in my life to be thankful for, and lots of little things that bring me joy and make my life worth living.

I can't go out all the time and live my life to the full the way I wish I could, so I've learnt to find other ways to fill my time from home, and try to appreciate the little things in life. A good book, nature I can see outside my bedroom window, craft projects, sunny days, cuddles from my dog, good food, new brooches, music, movies... all kinds of little things. It's a different, slower way of living, but it's still a life. And it's the only one I've got.

I'd love to get my old life back, but let's be realistic; it's never going to happen. Most days I can barely even get out of bed for the pain. I won't get better, and will likely only get worse as I age and my conditions degenerate. The old days are gone, and I can only look forward.

I'm never going to be one of those inspirational disabled people who overcome their challenges to climb mountains or sail solo around the world (but let's face, I never did those things before chronic illness, either), but I'm proud of myself for how I've coped every step of the way over the last nine years. They've been the most life-altering and debilitating years of my life. I've been through a lot, life's been hard at times, but I'm still here, still fighting, and making it from one day to the next. I'm proud of myself for never giving up even though at times I may have wanted to when the pain has been unbearable, and yet another doctor wouldn't take my symptoms seriously. I'm proud that I'm stubborn, and don't give up so easily.

I got through the last nine years, I got through another period of chronic pain in my teens, and I know I can get through all the years of chronic pain and illness that might be ahead of me. I just need to take each day one at a time, and keep making the best out of the life I have. 

That's all anybody can do, right?

I can't help but wonder where the next nine years will take me.

It's probably not far, but I'll keep you informed!

Oh Crap, I'm Thirty

Hi guys,

Sorry I've been AWOL the last few days; I've been hibernating since I got back from London on Saturday night, and I'm only just feeling human again.

I'm a little behind with my posts now, but today I'm going to share a few snippets from my birthday, which was a week ago yesterday. Have I seriously been thirty for a whole week already?? Yikes! That's scary.

My big 3-0 was quiet and unremarkable, just like any other day. After freaking out about turning thirty for, oh, the last five years, I was surprised by how calm and relaxed I was about it when the day arrived. I'd pictured myself hiding under the duvet in denial, having a Bridget Jones style melt down, but the truth is, I felt okay... almost content.

Twenty four hours earlier, I was freaking out big time about all the things I don't have or haven't achieved with my life yet. (Remember Rachel's melt down in Friends in the one when they all turn thirty? I was worse than that!) I really wasn't handling the thought of turning thirty with little to show for my life well at all, but of course, I was just being ridiculous. There was absolutely nothing for me to be worried about. Nothing changed the second the clock stuck midnight, just the two digits of my age. Life remained exactly the same. Sure, I don't have the life I imagined I would have by age thirty, but that's okay; I'm alive, and I still have a lot to be thankful for. I've realised that nothing I can do will change the write-off that was my twenties, but I still have all the time in the world to make up for lost time and achieve all that I want to achieve. I don't have to do anything at anybody else's pace; I can do things in my own time, and make my own rules. So that's what I'm going to do!

So, I began this new stage in my life by doing... absolutely nothing! I didn't do anything interesting or exciting to mark my thirtieth. I barely did anything at all. My birthday was during last week's heat wave, and I was so hot and frazzled from the heat that I didn't want to do anything. I don't cope very well with the heat, so I was happy just to stay home flaked out in front of the fan. I had a really lazy day, just relaxing, and chatting with my family. That probably sounds really boring (it does to me!), but in a weird way, I actually had quite a nice day.

I woke up to presents and cards from my family.

My parents gave me some money, which I spent on this Scarlett and Jo dress that I've wanted for ages. It's so beautiful, and I'm so happy I finally got my hands on it! They also gave me a pretty pair of yellow topaz earrings, that can be worn with the flower drops in front or behind the ear lobe, or just the studs on their own. I love how versatile they are! As well as the earrings and the cash, the parents gave a set of Mavala nail polishes, a big box of Thornton's chocolates, a black birthday balloon, and a 30th birthday badge. I was spoilt! 

My older sister came over after work, armed with balloons, and a pretty pink gift bag. She gave me a big box of my favourite chocolates, Ferrero Rochers, obviously, and a couple of Yankee candles- 'Orange Splash', and 'Tarte Tatin.' I was really surprised by these little gifts because she gave me money as my 'main' prezzie, so I could choose whatever I wanted. I ended up spending it on some eyeshadows from Lush when we were in London last weekend, which are amazing (and expensive at £10 each), but I now feel like I probably should've spent it on something a little more special. I might just count the eyeshadows as an ordinary purchase, and buy something else from the sister that I can keep.

My younger sister gave me a beautiful cloth-bound copy of Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, which I've wanted for ages, and she also gave me a cute little hardback notebook from Waterstones. I have a thing for pretty notebooks, in case you haven't heard.

My best friend sent me this cute little owl necklace, although the chain is too short for me, so I'll have to pop it on another chain. Shh! Don't tell her!

And she also gave me a big tub of mint choc chip cleansing shower butter from Bomb Cosmetics, which I've never tried before, and am looking forward to trying out. It smells so good.

My Mum, and older sister bought me some balloons, with the cutest balloon shaped weights at the end of the ribbons. They're now packed away in my memory box.

I didn't feel up to going out for a meal like I wanted to, and it was far too hot for a hot meal or a cheeky take away, so we had a 'party tea!' And didn't I feel like a five year old! I regret nothing. If you can't eat complete crap on your birthday, when can you, eh?

And, of course, there was cake. My Mum let me pick my own birthday cake this year, so I chose a chocolate cake from M&S with chocolate stars on top. It was delicious. I may have also stolen a taste of the chocolate hazelnut gelato I picked up at the same time. Hey, don't judge! It was my birthday!

And that was my birthday in a nut shell! It was a far cry from how I imagined I'd be spending my thirtieth; four years ago I was planning to celebrate it in New York with my bestie, but my health put a stop to that... but, that's life. I never wanted to celebrate with a big party or night out because that's just not me (introvert alert!), but I had hoped to at least make it out for a meal or a little day trip. I didn't even manage to get dressed up or do my make up like I'd planned; I was too hot to care. Sorry about the lack of outfit pictures!

In the end, it really didn't matter how I spent it. I had a good day, even though it was a quiet one, and I got through my big 3-0 without a melt down. A successful day, if you ask me! 

Did you freak out when you turned thirty, or reached another milestone birthday?

Polka Spots and Freckle Dots Turns Three!

Three years ago today, I started a little blog called Polka Spots and Freckle Dots and nervously sent my first outfit post in to the void. I never imagined that three years later I would still be blogging in this little corner of the Internet; I guess a part of me thought I'd lose interest within a few weeks, posting less and less until I got bored and moved on to the next bright idea, like I often did.

Yet, this time, I didn't.

I'm still here.

By some miracle, I've continued to blog regularly for three whole years. And you know what? I'm so very glad I did.

When I published that first post, I never could have imagined the impact this blog and the wonderful world of blogging would have on my life; not for a second. It may sound cheesy, but I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through the last three years without it. It's been a real life line to me during three of the most difficult years I've ever had to face.

It's kept me occupied during the long hours I've been bed ridden, and it's given me something to do and aim for every day. There's always something to write, photograph, edit, promote, tweak, or reply to, so even though I've been house bound, I've rarely been bored since I began this blog!

It's offered a distraction from the pain when it's been raging, and during the moments I've struggled to deal with losing almost everything from my old life; all those things that made me who I was; even those little things I took for granted, like my freedom and independence.

It provided me with somewhere to go after so many appointments with doctors and physiotherapists left me frustrated, disheartened, and upset. It gave me a place to vent my emotions or just throw myself in to to shut those bad experiences out.

It may sound weird, but it's even given me a place where I feel less alone and less isolated, even though I am often alone, and almost everyone has stopped calling. You lovely guys make me feel so welcome, and I'm so thankful for the friendships I've made through blogging!

Polka Spots hasn't just helped me to deal with my health and the impact it has had on my life; it's done all that and so much more.

My self confidence and body-confidence have both improved enormously since I wrote that first post. I'd be lying if I said I was completely body confident, but I've come a very long way in the last three years.


Rewind a few months more, and you'd see a girl with pretty much no body-confidence or self-confidence. I was the girl who hid from cameras, untagged herself from photos, and cut the tags out of her clothes. I was the girl who didn't have the confidence to wear tights or leggings in public, so wore jeans under dresses instead. I'd spent twenty-six years hating every last thing about my body. I was self-conscious and embarrassed of my body from a very young age, and truly believed I was hideous. I don't think my painful shyness helped. I was so shy, I did everything I could not to draw attention to myself, and in the end, I just ended up shying away from life. It wasn't until I was twenty-four or twenty-five that I was beginning to come out of my shell. Then the spinal pain began in September 2011. I discovered body positivity and plus size fashion blogs on Tumblr soon after, and they helped me to see myself in a new light. It was as if a light had been turned on. I began to feel comfortable with who I was, my body confidence started rising, and it's those blogs that inspired me to start Polka Spots and Freckle Dots. They inspired me to share my personal style, and to start my journey down the road to body positivity, and the rest as they say, is history.

I could never have imagined how far I would come in the next three years. I can barely recognise myself sometimes. I never thought I'd be a person who voluntarily shared her outfits (and her face) on the Internet, and actually enjoyed doing so! It's you guys, my lovely readers, that have given me the confidence to keep sharing them. You guys have helped me along the road to self-acceptance, and that's something I'll always be grateful for. I'm further along the road to body confidence than I've ever been before, and though I'm not one hundred percent body confident yet, I have learned to accept myself for who I am. And that's something I never thought I'd be able to say! I never thought I'd learn to be comfortable in my own skin. That's the power of blogging!

Moving away from health, body, and mind, I think my blog has come a long way over the last three years, too. I think the quality of my posts has improved since day one. I try to write posts I think you'll enjoy, and I'm always striving to improve everything; that's the perfectionist in me! Blogging has helped me improve my photography, editing, writing, and computer skills, and definitely broadened my horizons.

I've been so lucky to have had some amazing opportunities over the last three years, and have worked with some fantastic brands. I'm not a famous blogger, I don't have a million followers, but I'm grateful for every opportunity I've had, and love where this blog has taken me. I've been able to share the things I love, the experiences I've had, and the things I know, with the most amazing readers and blog friends. I.e. you! I appreciate every last one of you for reading and commenting on my posts! It's you guys who make me want to keep blogging.

And I don't plan on giving up any time soon!

I want to keep blogging. I want to keep sharing my outfits, my experiences, and the products I love. I want to keep sharing the photos I've taken, and the thoughts in my head. And I intend to keep going! I've had so much fun blogging these past three years, and I can't wait to see where the next three years take me!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting Polka Spots and Freckle Dots and I over the past three years! I appreciate your support and love more than you'll ever know!

What would you like to see more of on the blog in the future? What posts do you enjoy best?

Polka Spots and Freckle Dots Turns Two!

My little blog, Polka Spots and Freckle Dots is two years old today!

How on earth did that happen?

I can't believe that it's been two years since I created this blog, and sent my first post in to the virtual world. I can still remember how much my heart was racing when I published those introductory words; I was scared of putting myself out there and revealing my true self online. I'd kept Livejournal and Tumblr blogs before, but apart from the odd photo on Twitter, I'd never really posted photos of myself online where strangers could see them. It was a frightening concept.

During the six months leading up to starting this blog, when I first injured my back, I'd discovered the world of body positivity, size acceptance, and plus size fashion blogs through Tumblr. I was so inspired by these women who were unashamed and confident in their own skin, that I began to see myself in a different light. I began to accept myself for who I was a little more each day and this new found body-confidence continued to grow as I continued to read these blogs day after day.

By March 2012, I'd passed the sixth month mark of living with disc injuries, and I was bored. Six months of being house-bound will do that to you. I was constantly coming up with new ways to keep myself busy, and one night I decided I would start a blog where I could share my outfits and personal style. My outfits were playing a big part in raising my spirits, so I simply thought it would be fun to document them, and work towards accepting myself whilst beating boredom. Simple as that.

I didn't start with any expectations or aspirations; I didn't expect to gain a single reader. To be honest, I assumed I'd just end up writing sporadically for myself, as I did with my old Livejournal blogs, before eventually abandoning it.

I could never have imagined the impact that little blog would have on me and my life over those two years. My blog has been a life line for me to cling to while my life has been on hiatus and I've felt dislocated from the person I once was. It's kept me sane during those long hours spent in bed and occupied me through countless waves of insomnia. It's been there for me when I've felt isolated and alone, lost and let down, frustrated and angry, upset and fed up. More than anything, it's been an enormous distraction from the pain and provided me with a purpose day after day.

My blog is never far from my thoughts, and I spent most of my time during the past two years working on it. There is always something to be done; a post to write, photos to edit, comments and emails to reply to, products to research, improvements to be made. Thanks to blogging, I'm always busy. And I like it that way. I like to be busy. I don't want to give myself enough time to reflect on the pain or what I'm missing out on in life.

This blog has also helped to raise both my self-confidence and my body-confidence. I'd spent twenty-six years of my life hating myself, my body and my appearance, but blogging has helped me to start accepting myself. I'm still on that yellow brick road to self-acceptance, but thanks to this learning curve, I'm now further along the road than I ever thought was possible.

I've learnt that life is far too short to waste hating yourself and the skin you're in. It's funny that it took a back injury and the loss of my freedom and independence for me to realise that! I owe my injuries a lot!

While my blog hasn't become famous or gained a large following, I've gained a lovely little readership, some amazing regular readers whose support means so much to me, and I've made some wonderful blog friends. Every comment, tweet, and email of support means the world to me, and I love being part of such a fantastic community of inspiring  women.

I've learnt so much and have been blessed with some amazing opportunities.

I've published 615 posts during the last 730 days, rarely leaving more than a day or two between posts. That's a lot of content!

I've shared a countless selection of my favourite outfits, as weird, wonderful, or dull as they may be. Anybody would think I favoured a certain style...

I shared a glance at a handful of my make up looks. I'm addicted to colourful make up, and only wish I'd managed to share more of the looks I wore. I want to work on bringing you more of them.

I featured a variety of my manicures and wrote nail polish reviews. I wore a rainbow of colours, and tried my hand at a little nail art here and there. This blog has turned me in to a nail polish addict!

I've shared glances in to my wardrobe, dressing table, handbags, and collections. I've talked about my shopping hauls and reviewed clothes, accessories, cosmetics, and books. I've spent hours putting wish lists collages, and Serendipity Sunday favourites together each week. I've shared snippets of my life. I've talked about living with disc injuries, and blogged about a plethora of other topics. It's seems crazy to look back on it all and see where it has taken me!

I think my blogging style has improved a lot over two years, but I still have so much left to learn. I'm not the best writer or photographer in the world, or the best blogger, but I enjoy giving it a shot, and I'm constantly trying to do the best  I can.

Polka Spots and Freckle Dots has become more than just a blog to me; it's become a life line and a life style. And I owe it so much. I owe every one of you who reads, supports, and visits my blog so much! I can't express just how much your support means to me, but I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, you truly fabulous people!

I honestly believe that the last two years of living with disc injuries would have been far more horrendous without this blog to throw myself in to. I don't even want to think about where I would be now; I don't think it would be a pretty picture. Thankfully, it has been there and kept me afloat during the most difficult time of my life so far, and I can't wait to see where it takes me over the next two years!

Here's to another two years of dresses, polka dots, animal motifs, novelty handbags, colourful eye make up, rainbow nail polish, product reviews, shopping hauls, wish lists, Serendipity Sundays, grainy photographs, fan girling, rants, musings, and randomness!