Ten Years With Chronic Pain and Illness

Today is a weird milestone in my life; one I never thought I'd be marking, one I'm not sure how to feel about.

Today, I have officially been living with debilitating chronic pain and illness for ten whole years. (It isn't the beginning of my chronic pain journey- it actually began twenty-three years ago when I was just thirteen... but that's a story for another day).

I honestly can't believe that this milestone is a part of my life. I can't believe I'm sitting here reflecting on a decade of living with life-changing chronic pain and chronic illness. If you'd told me ten years ago that I would still be in severe pain ten years later or how much my health would change my life, I'm not sure I would've believed you. I wouldn't have been able to comprehend it, and if I had, I would probably have just given up the fight there and then. I couldn't imagine lasting another week in pain, let alone another decade, and didn't think I'd have to. Back then, I assumed I'd just injured myself somehow, and thought I'd be as right as rain in a few days if I ignored it, and just kept going. 

Boy, was I wrong!

The pain didn't just continue but grew worse as the days blurred in to weeks, months and years.

Now here I am, a decade later, still in pain and diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses- Ankylosing Spondylitis, Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Bertolotti's Disease, Degenerative Disc Disease, and Tachycardia, plus a naturally fused spine, and a facet fused to my sacrum. Even though the warning signs were there, I never imagined for a moment how extensive my problems would turn out to be. It didn't even enter my head.

A decade ago, I was just a normal, able-bodied twenty-six-year-old, working as a visual merchandiser in retail, and spending my days off going shopping, to the cinema, and to concerts with friends. I got mild aching pains in my bones and joints (undiagnosed Arthritis), but they hadn't so much as slowed me down since my mid-teens. Then one September morning, I woke up with back pain, and in less than a fortnight, my whole life was turned upside down. Now I'm a disabled and chronically ill thirty-six-year-old with multiple conditions, living mostly housebound, and spending much of my time in bed alone riding out the pain and fatigue, or going to medical appointments. (Can you hear that chorus of tiny violins?!) What a difference a decade makes! It's crazy how quickly your entire life can change beyond recognition. If I had known what was coming, I would have tried to live a much fuller life. (Although, life's too short for the shoulda coulda wouldas).

Still, as it's the anniversary, I can't help thinking about everything I've been through these past ten years.

I'm not going to sugar-coat it; the last ten years have been some of the hardest years of my life- not just physically, mentally, and emotionally, but socially, and financially, too. 

I've spent every waking second in extreme pain, getting very little or no relief from any painkillers or treatments. Pain so bad it makes a broken bone feel like a broken nail, and would reduce burly grown men to tears. Pain in my joints and in my bones and in my muscles and in my skin. Shooting pain, stabbing pain, throbbing pain, radiating pain, aching pain, burning pain, I've experienced it all- and then some. Then there's been painful back spasms, stiff and swollen joints, twitching nerves, muscle aches, debilitating fatigue, persistent tachycardia (which has quite frankly been terrifying), challenging brain fog, and a whole host of delightful symptoms I've had to contend with on a daily or regular basis.

The pain has been so overwhelming that there have been times when I've wanted to not be here at all. Thankfully, those thoughts don't happen often now, but it hasn't always been that easy. The first year was definitely the hardest; I can't think how many times I silently cried myself to sleep during the first six months, just wanting the pain to stop, and to get my old life back. Fortunately, I never gave up, and the days got easier as I got diagnosed, and learnt to navigate life with chronic pain and illness, but it was hard-going for a while.

I had to fight to be believed, diagnosed, and be given the treatment I deserve. For years all I heard was that I was 'too young to be in pain', and I'd be 'fine in a week or two', as I was shooed away with another sick note and another prescription that never touched the pain. It wasn't until I ventured in to private health care three years later that I started to get answers and support. Those early years almost broke me.

I've been x-rayed, scanned, and jabbed with needles. I've tried treatment after treatment, and countless painkillers and anti-inflammatories.

I went through one horrific weekend of withdrawal after an incompetent doctor I went to for help yelled at me and took me off all of my meds cold turkey. I've never been so ill in my life. 

I've ended up in A&E twice with ridiculously fast tachycardia and palpitations, and have had several ECGs.

I had to give up my job in visual merchandising, and my dreams of getting back in to animal care. I was making plans to go back to college to study animal care again when I got ill, which sadly had to go out the window.

I've spent most of the last decade bed ridden or housebound, missing out on new experiences and meeting new people out in the real world because my pain has been so debilitating. Living housebound with chronic illness has been extremely isolating, and while I'm an introvert and enjoy time alone, it's been hard not having regular interactions with people outside my own family. I've lost friends since I've been sick, too, and that hurt a lot. 

I've also had to say goodbye to many of the things I knew and enjoyed in life. I had to mourn the life I knew, and the person that I was, as well as the future I'd hoped to make for myself. I'm not going to lie; this has been hard at times. I've missed out on so much during what could have been some of the best years of my life, and sometimes I can't help feeling left behind because I don't have or haven't experienced many of the things society says I should have by my age. Thankfully, I have learnt to make my peace with that, as well as knowing that my future could be very different to the one I'd imagined, but it's only natural to feel sad about that sometimes.

Fortunately, as a socially-awkward introvert, housebound life hasn't been that hard for me to cope with overall. I like my own company, and I've learnt plenty of ways to fill my time. This blog has been a particularly invaluable coping mechanism, giving me something to throw myself in to, and has always keep me busy. I've also found comfort in reading, crafting, watching movies, hanging out with my dog, and all kinds of little things. I've gotten used to a quieter way of living, and have learnt to appreciate the little things in life, and make the most of every day. When I do get to go out and do something fun, I appreciate it so much more.

The last ten years have also been hard financially. I've had to jump through hoops to prove I'm deserving of financial help, and went through a soul-crushing fifteen months without a penny to live on because the DWP decided being able to go the hospital for medical care meant I wasn't sick enough to need help. (Seriously). Luckily, I appealed, and won my case at court, but the whole experience was a nightmare.

I've been through a hell of a lot in such a short space of time, and sometimes I don't know how I made it through.

This is probably going to make me sound like a self-indulgent twat, so feel free to roll your eyes, but I'm proud of myself for getting through the last ten years. I'm proud of the way I've handled every hurdle, from my life being turned upside down to living in constant pain to dealing with each diagnosis. None of it has been easy, but I've got through every day and every challenge without having a break down or giving up. There have been times when the pain has been so overwhelming I've not wanted to be here, but I've somehow found the strength to keep going, to keep fighting through the pain and the fatigue, the stress and the isolation, and I'm proud of myself for that. 

I know I must be coming across as incredibly negative today, but I don't think about the last ten years in a negative light. I've always just accepted my life for what it is, and tried to make the best of every day. Sure, there have been plenty of awful days, but there have been plenty of positives, too. The journey has taught me so much. I've learnt so much about life, and about myself as I've navigated this unconventional life with chronic illness. I've learnt what I'm capable of, how strong I can be, and just how much I can endure when pushed beyond my limits. I've learnt to appreciate the little things in life, and make the best of every day, with what I have. I no longer take life for granted, like I used to. I know how quickly everything can change and be taken away from you. I'm grateful for everything this experience has taught me, as I wouldn't be the person I am now if I hadn't gone through it all.

I don't know where the future will take me- and I don't really like to think about it, as thinking about the future with chronic illness scares me- but wherever the next ten years lead me, I know I'll get through it. If the last ten years has taught me anything, it's that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, and if I can get through all that I have, I can get through anything. 

Even though I'm being reflective and letting my feelings out here today, I don't want to focus on the negatives today, nor remember what I've lost or what I've been missing out on. (I wrote this post a few days early to process my feelings ahead of time). I'll of course be acknowledging what this day means and will be giving the last decade some head space, but I'm hoping to make today a positive one so this date isn't just 'The Day My Back Pain Began' or 'The Day My Life Changed Forever.' I'm currently in one of my favourite places enjoying a week's holiday, so I'm hoping to make some nice memories today to cancel out the bad ones. I want today to be a good one. I don't know where the day will take me, but I'm hoping I'll be well enough to take a short day trip or at least go for a walk on the beach. I'm going to eat some good food, breathe in the sea air, let the sea breeze carry away the stress, and relax to the sound of the seagulls. It's going to be a better day than this day was ten years ago, I'll make sure of it. I've not come this far and gone through what I have to let one bad day a decade ago spoil another day of my life.

Life is far too short for that.

You Might Also Like

Nine Years With Chronic Pain

Nine Years With Chronic Pain

Today, I have officially been living with chronic pain and illness for nine whole years of my adult life.

One more year, and it will be an entire decade.

How did that happen?

Where did the time go?

One minute I was waking up to back pain as an able-bodied twenty-six year old, and now here I am, nine years later, aged thirty-five, still in pain, and chronically ill with Ankylosing Spondylitis, Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Degenerative Disc Disease, Bertolotti's Disease, and Tachycardia. I'll say it again: how did that happen?

I can still remember that first day as if it were yesterday.

At six am on the 8th of September 2011, I awakened to pain radiating from deep within my lower back. It was faint at first, but it felt different to any pain I'd ever felt before, and I instinctively knew something was wrong. Ironically, I was woken up by my sister who was sick and needed me to take her to A&E, so I did my best to ignore the pain, and took her to the hospital. I continued to ignore the pain in my back for almost two weeks, hoping if I kept working and moving around it would just go away on its own. Instead, it was getting worse day by day, and on the twelfth day, I came home from work after a nine hour shift and collapsed on the kitchen floor. I gave in and phoned the doctor, and while it took years to get diagnosed, from that point, my life was never the same again.

Sometimes it feels like no time at all has passed since those early days, and other times it feels like this has been my life forever. I've become so used to this way of life; living housebound with constant pain and fatigue, taking medication, regular trips to the doctor's, blood tests, treatments, flares, reduced mobility, rarely leaving the house, and needing help from family with every day tasks. It's just as normal to me now as my life before chronic illness was. (Although, if you'd have told me nine years ago that I would still be in pain nine years later and chronically ill with multiple conditions, I never would've believed you. In fact, I would've probably laughed in your face).

I made my peace with the changes to my life a long time ago, but of course, there are still days when I miss my old healthy life, and mourn what I've lost. I was only twenty-six when my life was turned upside down, and sometimes I do mourn all the things I've missed out on during what should've been some of the best years of my life. I'm only human. I had to give up my job and dreams of going back in to animal care. I lost friends when I got sick. I've missed out on travel and meeting new people, getting my own place, and a world of possibility. Sometimes I do feel sad thinking of what I've missed, and I can't help wondering where I'd be now if I hadn't gotten ill.

However, these thoughts only hit me occasionally (albeit, a little more frequently recently after realising how many years have passed) and I try not to think of the changes to my health and life too negatively too often. I shouldn't be thinking of it as a life lost. I'm not dead. Just because my life is different now, doesn't mean it has to be a terrible life. Yes, living with chronic illnesses is challenging every single day, but I have plenty of things in my life to be thankful for, and lots of little things that bring me joy and make my life worth living.

I can't go out all the time and live my life to the full the way I wish I could, so I've learnt to find other ways to fill my time from home, and try to appreciate the little things in life. A good book, nature I can see outside my bedroom window, craft projects, sunny days, cuddles from my dog, good food, new brooches, music, movies... all kinds of little things. It's a different, slower way of living, but it's still a life. And it's the only one I've got.

I'd love to get my old life back, but let's be realistic; it's never going to happen. Most days I can barely even get out of bed for the pain. I won't get better, and will likely only get worse as I age and my conditions degenerate. The old days are gone, and I can only look forward.

I'm never going to be one of those inspirational disabled people who overcome their challenges to climb mountains or sail solo around the world (but let's face, I never did those things before chronic illness, either), but I'm proud of myself for how I've coped every step of the way over the last nine years. They've been the most life-altering and debilitating years of my life. I've been through a lot, life's been hard at times, but I'm still here, still fighting, and making it from one day to the next. I'm proud of myself for never giving up even though at times I may have wanted to when the pain has been unbearable, and yet another doctor wouldn't take my symptoms seriously. I'm proud that I'm stubborn, and don't give up so easily.

I got through the last nine years, I got through another period of chronic pain in my teens, and I know I can get through all the years of chronic pain and illness that might be ahead of me. I just need to take each day one at a time, and keep making the best out of the life I have. 

That's all anybody can do, right?

I can't help but wonder where the next nine years will take me.

It's probably not far, but I'll keep you informed!

50 Things To Do This Christmas If You Have a Chronic Illness

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, but for those of us living with a debilitating chronic illness, it is often also the most challenging and exhausting time of year for us, too.

We suddenly have to find extra (but non-existent) spoons to do all those necessary Christmas tasks like decorating our homes for Christmas, wrapping presents, hosting or visiting family and friends and cooking a feast, while also navigating our usual daily hurdles that already take it out of us. This can leave many of us in too much pain or too exhausted to mobilise and get out and about to enjoy the festivities, which can be so difficult to accept if you love Christmas- especially if you were once able to enjoy the holidays without your body holding you back.

The good news is, there are still plenty of ways you can immerse yourself in the Christmas spirit with a chronic illness, even while resting in bed or on your sofa. You don't have to miss out on all the festive fun just because you can't go out to the Christmas party, enjoy the Christmas markets, or travel to see family. In fact, I've come up with a list of 50 things to do this Christmas for all you spoonies, with everything from making your own Christmas cards to enjoying a Christmas movie marathon to give you a few ideas. Obviously, what you can do will depend on your personal circumstances, as everyone's conditions affect them differently, but I hope there are ideas here to make everyone's December a little more festive. If you don't have a chronic illness or an ongoing illness or injury, don't worry; all of these ideas are suitable for all you able-bodied folks, too.

1. Have at least one Christmas movie marathon. You could also try to watch as many Christmas films as you can before Christmas is over.

2. Read a Christmas novel... or challenge yourself to read a set number of Christmas-themed novels by New Year's. I'd recommend Little Women and A Christmas Carol.

3. Watch festive TV. All those Christmas specials, craft shows, and cookery programmes never fail to get me in the festive spirit.

4. Relax with a Christmas colouring book. There are so many great ones for adults now, like Johanna's Christmas and Christmas to Color. Grab some coloured pencils and a lap tray, and you'll soon feel any stress lifting away as you get stuck in.

5. Sew a Christmas cross stitch or embroidery. I'm currently making this cross stitch from Satsuma Street.

6. Make your own Christmas crackers. I like to make and fill my own every year.

7. Play a board game. You could even play one from your bed, and get someone else to move the pieces for you if you're not up to stretching.

8. Play a festive computer game. I'm currently playing Animal Crossing New Leaf which allows you to collect Christmas furniture and clothes, has festive activities, and has even started to snow! My holly bushes are in bloom, and I've even added a Christmas path to my town. You also get to start making snowmen when the snow blankets the ground for Winter from mid-month! It's really fun and can keep me occupied for hours.

9. Dress in a festive outfit. Nothing makes you feel more festive than wearing your best Christmas jumpers, dresses, and / or jewellery.

10. Dress your pet up for Christmas. You may need to stay in your PJs, but that doesn't mean you can't dress your dog up in a Christmas jumper and a pair of antlers and take a million photos of them looking cute and humiliated.

11. Beat the crowds and do all of your Christmas shopping online from the comfort of your warm, cosy bed or sofa. 

12. Decorate your tree / home / bedroom for Christmas and turn your space in to a Winter Wonderland. If you're not up to decking the halls yourself, enlist someone to do it for you, so you can still enjoy the pretty decorations while you're resting.

13. Enjoy a hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows, at home or at a coffee shop.

14. Bake and decorate Christmas cookies or cupcakes. If you need to skip steps to be able to do this, buy a cake mix or pre-baked dessert to make life easier, and then just decorate them at home.

15. Challenge yourself to wrap your Christmas presents as beautifully and creatively as you can.

16. Write your Christmas cards and letters. Use a lap-tray so you can write them comfortably from your bed or sofa.

17. Have a Christmas pamper night with festive scented beauty products, like face masks and bath bombs. Lush and The Body Shop always do the best festive products at this time of year.

18. If you like to write, why not have a go at writing some Christmas themed creative writing?

19. Make your own Christmas wreath to hang on the door or above the fireplace. You don't have to go down the traditional route and stick to foliage; you could make a Christmas pudding pom pom wreath, or asymmetric floral pom pom wreath.

20. Make some Christmas fabric hoop art. Take some festive fabric, frame them in embroidery hoops, sew up the backs, and hang on the wall. Easy.

21. Knit or crochet something festive. You could make Christmas decorations, garlands, blankets, scarves, even a Christmas jumper for yourself or your dog.

22. Do some festive art or bullet journaling, and get creative with your layouts.

23. If you're artistic, make some festive art.

24. If you can use your hands, why not have a go at some Christmas nail art? You'll find heaps of ideas on Pinterest.

25. Get out your favourite eyeshadows and try creating a killer festive make up look. I'm not talented enough to create a work of art, but I love wearing green on my lids at this time of year with a glittery liner.

26. Create and post lots of Christmas content on your blog.

27. Catch up on Blogmas posts from your favourite blogs.

28. Fill your Instagram account with festive photos.

29. Have fun filling out some festive Insta story templates.

30. If you can spare a few pounds this Christmas, put together a box of gifts for someone in need like the homeless or a child living in poverty. 

31. Learn how to play a piece of Christmas music on an instrument.

32. Make a festive playlist full of your favourite Christmas songs, and listen to it up loud at every opportunity.

33. Sing along to your favourite festive tunes. It never fails to lighten the mood.

34. Forgot the diet, and treat yourself to lots of delicious holiday treats. You deserve it.

35. Invite a friend over for coffee / wine, and Christmas nibbles.

36. Have a festive girls / guys night in, with festive films, tunes, drinks, and food.

37. Enjoy an Advent calendar every day of Advent. A little treat every day could make your days a little brighter.

38. Light an Advent candle or delicious festive-scented candles every night to make those dark December evenings extra cosy.

39. Use Christmas crockery and mugs for all of your December meals, snacks, and beverages. It's the little things in life...

40. If you can mobilise a little and have the energy, you could even have a go at creating a beautiful Christmas tablescape for your Christmas meal.

41. Make a Christmas cake or pudding to impress your guests with this Christmas.

42. Look through old photos taken at Christmas time, and reminisce about Christmases past.

43. Try to recreate an old family photo taken at Christmas time, and give everyone something to laugh and get nostalgic about this Christmas.

44. Have a go at make your own Christmas cards. You'll find everything you'll ever need for card-making in craft shops like Hobbycraft. 

45. Create Elf on a Shelf escapades for your kids- or Instagram account.

46. Blog honestly about life with chronic illness at Christmas. It's not all roses, I can assure you.

47. Put a stocking together for your loved one(s), and fill with the loveliest gifts you can find.

48. Make a garland for the tree or banister. You could string up popcorn and cranberries the old fashioned way, make it out of pom poms, or even crochet one. The possibilities are endless.

49. Create your Christmas list on Pinterest, so if anyone asks you what you want for Christmas, you can point them in the right direction.

50. And if all else fails, wear cosy new Christmas pyjamas all month, so you can feel festive even when you're resting in bed or lying on the sofa struggling through a flare and a nasty bought of fatigue.

And those are 50 things you may be able to do this Christmas if you have a chronic illness.

I hope my list has given you a few ideas, and that you're able to enjoy some of the festivities this Christmas, even if you're too ill to participate in the big things like Christmas parties and travelling to see family.

What Christmas activities do you enjoy despite your chronic illnesses? 

You Might Also Enjoy

My Chronic Pain and Chronic Illness Christmas Survival Guide

25 Ways to Enjoy Christmas on Bed Rest
101 Things to do This Christmas
101 Inexpensive Things to do This Christmas

My Chronic Pain and Chronic Illness Christmas Survival Guide

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, but for those of who are living with chronic pain and / or chronic illness, it can also be the most exhausting, overwhelming, and frustrating. We not only have our usual daily hurdles to contend with, but suddenly we have halls to deck, presents to buy and wrap, pressure to attend social gatherings and parties, a feast to cook, and a million other tasks that require far more spoons than we have to spare, and can inflict a great deal of pain, fatigue, and stress on us. It's exhausting just thinking about it.

This is my sixth Christmas with chronic pain and chronic illness. That first Christmas was a disaster; I hardly managed to enjoy any of the festivities, and could only tolerate an hour or two out of bed on Christmas Day, which was really upsetting to me at the time because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year, and I missed out on so many of the festivities I longed to do. Thankfully, since then, I've ironed out the kinks, and seem to cope a little better every year. Since that first year, I've learnt so many helpful tips for getting through Christmas, and getting the most out of the festive season with chronic pain and chronic illness, so I've decided to compile them all today in to one handy post again for anybody who might be struggling to get through Christmas because of their health. If you are living with chronic pain or chronic illness and have been for some time, you've probably got coping with Christmas down to a fine art, but I know I would've found these tips helpful that first year when I was still finding my feet with chronic pain, and didn't know as much about it as I do now, so I wanted to share my tips in case I can help make one person's Christmas that little bit easier. I hope you find my chronic pain and chronic illness Christmas survival guide helpful!

1.  Write a To Do List and Prioritise
First, write a Christmas to-do-list, and prioritise what you need to do, have to do, and really want to do this Christmas. See to the important things first, and the least important goals last. That way, if you run out of spoons and can't complete them all, you can rest easy knowing at least some of the important stuff has been taken care of.

2. Give Yourself a Head Start
Ask yourself if there is anything you can complete ahead of time, to help take the pressure off and minimise the pain and strain in December. Tasks like Christmas shopping, wrapping presents, writing cards, and making your Christmas cake, for instance, could all be completed now, and as early in the year as you like for future Christmases.

3. Leave Some Tasks 'til  Later
To make December a little less hectic, ask yourself what can wait until after Christmas. Are there family and friends you can arrange to visit or meet up with after the holidays? Can you shop for and wrap their presents at a later date? Are there any non-essential appointments you can push back until the new year, when you're not so busy? If you can, put it off for a few weeks!

4. Stagger Your To Do List 
If you have a chronic illness, you'll know as well as I do that trying to do everything at once is pretty much impossible, and will rarely end well. You may find that staggering your to-do list over the festive season and only doing as much as you realistically can at a time before resting works a lot better. I personally find I achieve a lot more when I spread the work load out, because it takes less time to recover from each activity when I do a little at a time and don't over-do it.

5. Don't Push Yourself To Breaking Point
Listen to your body, and stop when you know you've reached your limit. It's tempting to power on through and deal with the consequences later, but ask yourself if the activity is really worth it, and is the aftermath likely to prevent you from doing something that's of more importance to you in the days that follow. Proceed accordingly.

6. Take Plenty Of Breaks
Give yourself as many breaks during, after, and in between activities as you need, and for as long as you need to. Yes, even if it means you have to stop in the middle of a task and come back to it later, or rest for twelve hours before cracking on with the next task. Pacing is key.

7. Pencil In Some Days Off
Keep as many days in your calendar completely free of plans as you need, so you can rest and recuperate from your Christmas plans, and deal with the heightened pain, fatigue, and discomfort they probably left you with. 

Ask For Help

8. Ask For and Accept Help
Don't be afraid to ask for help from family and friends, or accept help when it's offered. If you're struggling to power through Christmas activities or even your daily care, don't struggle on in silence because you're too proud, embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help; if you need assistance, let your loved ones help you! 

9. Assign Tasks To Others
If you're hosting a party, gathering, or Christmas dinner this year, assign tasks to people to lighten the load. Get somebody to peel the spuds, carry the heavy turkey, set the table, wash up... you don't need to do everything yourself- and shouldn't be expected to, either, chronic illness or no chronic illness.

10. Ask Guests To Bring A Dish To Dinner
If cooking and preparing food for Christmas dinner, gatherings, and parties is a challenge, ask your guests to each bring a dish of something to give you one less thing to make.

Shopping

11. Shop Online Instead Of In Store
Don't waste your energy Christmas shopping or doing a big Christmas food shop in store; avoid those long exhausting queues and back-breaking shopping bags, and do it all online from the comfort of your bed or sofa. Where else can you shop in your pyjamas at one in the morning?

12. Shop Early

If you must go Christmas shopping in store, go first thing in the morning and during the week when the shops are quieter. The queues will be shorter, the shop staff will usually be happier to help before they're rushed off their feet, you'll be more likely to find a vacant seat when you need to rest, and the whole shopping experience should be less exhausting and time-consuming before the crowds build up.

13. Make Use Of Gift Wrapping Services

When shopping for Christmas presents online or in store, make use of gift-wrapping options and services, if they're available. It might cost you a couple of quid, although sometimes it's free, but in return it could save you precious time and effort.

14. Take Advantage Of Assembly Services

If you buy presents that will need to be assembled by Christmas morning, get a strong pair of hands to help you, or take advantage of assembly services when you make a purchase. Many businesses offer them for a small fee, and they're worth every penny if they help make your Christmas that little bit easier. Failing that, a cordless drill-screwdriver will make assembling something yourself much easier and faster than with a manual screwdriver. (Trust me, I used to work in a vintage toy shop, and was forever putting rocking horses and pedal cars together; they make life so much easier!)

15. Ask Delivery Men To Leave Parcels In A Safe Place

If you will be doing a lot of online shopping, ask your postman and delivery men to leave any parcels in a secure place- in your porch, shed, over a locked garden gate etc.- so you don't have to get up to answer the door a million times. Most online shops will ask where they can leave your parcel when you enter your payment details, so remember to fill the box in on checkout.

16. Have Orders Sent Directly

Have your online orders sent directly to the recipient(s), so you don't have to fit in a trip to the post office and spend more money on postage to get presents to them.

17. Send Your Parcels Together

Send all parcels, cards, and letters at the post office in one go, instead of making multiple trips, and having to stand in line countless times.

18. Take Advantage of Pre-Prepared Foods At The Supermarket

If cooking and preparing food for Christmas dinners, gatherings, and parties is a challenge, take advantage of the pre-prepared foods at the supermarket. It may cost you a little more for the convenience, but you can buy meat and veg that are pre-chopped, ready-made pastry, pre-packaged party foods that you can just throw in the oven or quickly arrange on a plate, delicious desserts that taste as good or better than homemade, and all kinds of conveniently prepared foods that will help take the stress out of cooking, and reduce the amount of time you have to spend slaving in the kitchen. It's worth considering because it could save you hours of hard work and a whole lot of spoons that could be spent on more enjoyable festivities!

Medication

19. Take Stock Of Your Medication
Make sure you have enough medication stock piled to see you through the holidays. If you haven't and need to place an order with your doctor, dispensary, or pharmacy, do it now. The last thing you need is to be battling withdrawal symptoms over Christmas because you've accidentally ran out and the surgery / pharmacy is closed. 

20. Remember To Take Your Medication On Time
It's easy to get side-tracked when you're having fun with family and friends and your daily routine is a little different than usual, so set alarms on your phone to remind yourself when you're due each dose of medication. If I don't do this, you can guarantee I'll forget to take my meds until hours later when the pain has become so intense I feel like I'm going to pass out.

21. Keep Water And Medication In Your Bag
I'm sure this is an obvious one that you probably already do, but keep a bottle of water and more medication than you need in your bag so you're able to take your medication any time or place. You'll thank yourself for it if you get delayed, break down, or decide to change your plans on impulse when you're out and about. I usually carry enough for a couple of days in my bag when I leave the house, just to be on the safe side.

22. Pack More Medicine Than You Need
If you're travelling, it's wise to pack more medicine than you need and to duplicate it, with one batch in your suitcase and another in your hand luggage or partner's luggage, so if a bag goes missing, you're still covered for your entire trip.

23. Don't Skip A Dose For A Drink
I don't recommend intentionally skipping a dose or two of your painkillers so you can have a drink. It just isn't worth it. I stupidly tried this a couple of Christmases ago. I skipped three or four doses of my painkillers, and spent Christmas night and Boxing Day writhing in agony in bed, dealing with some nasty withdrawal symptoms, unable to sleep, or enjoy the festivities. The extra pain and illness was not worth that glass of Archers. Not one bit, sir.

24. Check With Your Doctor First
If you're on medication and want to have a few drinks over Christmas, check with your doctor first to find out if it's safe for you to do so. It really isn't worth the risk of finding out if it's safe through trial and error.

25. Book Any Urgent Medical Appointments Now
Many doctor's surgeries and community hospitals close over Christmas and New Year, so you might wish to find out the Christmas opening hours of any you frequent, and book any urgent appointments now.

26. Stock Up On Heat Patches
Stock up on cold / heat packs and patches to soothe your pain and relax your muscles at the end of a busy day spent enjoying the festivities. It's also a good idea to keep a few in your bag for using on the go. I personally swear by the Cura-Heat heat packs for severe back pain. They're twice as large as most heat packs, and can be placed directly on the skin, instead of on your clothes like most are designed for. While they don't help to lessen my (severe) chronic pain exactly, they're a good distraction from it, and they do work on regular aches and pains. I find the heat helps to relax my muscles so I find my torso is less stiff and tense the day after a physically demanding day, which reduces the amount of discomfort I'm left to deal with, helping me cope with the heightened pain a lot better. (This isn't sponsored, by the way; I genuinely swear by these heat patches, and find them helpful on bad pain days).

27. Make Use Of Your Hot Water Bottle Or Hottie
Keep a hot water bottle, microwavable hottie, or wheat bag to hand and use them as often as you need to. They could help to relax any tense muscles, soothe sore spots, and distract you from the pain, as well as making your bed extra cosy to rest in, which is always a bonus.

Travelling

28. Watch Your Step
If you're out and about enjoying the festivities, be wary of ice and snow. Wear shoes with good tread and watch your step. Having a fall is the last thing anybody needs, and it always seems to hurt more when ice or snow is to blame,

29. Ask Somebody To Clear Ice and Snow From Your Property
If you can't do so yourself, ask a friend, neighbour or loved one to clear the ice and snow from your paths and drive way so you can safely get to the car and back without injury when you're out enjoying the festivities . 

30. Book Train Tickets In Advance To Reserve Convenient Seats
Travelling by train? Book your tickets in advance so you can reserve seats close to the door, luggage racks, and / or toilets, to make your journey that little bit easier.

31, Take Plenty Of Breaks On The Road
If you're travelling by car, take plenty of breaks, and get out of the car to stretch every so often. Give your body a break from the bumpy roads, get some fresh air, and go grab yourself a coffee or a snack until you're ready to continue on with your journey. If you've got a long journey ahead of you, consider breaking it up, and stopping at a motel / hotel half way through for a full night's rest before continuing on.

32. Choose The Most Comfortable And Convenient Method Of Travel You Can Afford

Where possible, choose the most comfortable and convenient method of travel you can afford to make travelling as comfortable and stress-free as possible.

♥ First class will generally give you the most room on planes and trains, and the most comfortable seats you'll find on public transport. You can sometimes find first class train tickets with cut price fairs on certain trains at certain times of day, so if you can be flexible with when you travel, check to see if and when the train fair differs in price. I once managed to find first class train seats for £2 more than standard seats, and saved something ridiculous like £130 per ticket! The chairs had much better lumbar support, and lots of extra room so the journey was far more comfortable than in the standard seats.

♥ Trains are generally the least bumpy option on land.

♥ Cars are probably the most convenient option, but driving along bumpy roads can be extremely painful and exhausting.

♥ Flying will take less time if you're travelling a long distance, but it's not always the easiest way to travel, what with the time it can take to get through security, customs, and boarding and disembarking the plane, the distance you may have to walk or wheel to get to the gate, and the amount of time you have to wait around before the flight. Plus, you might get frisked going through security, which could be painful depending on your condition(s), and how rough the person is with you, and you could face difficulties getting medication and medical equipment through security, too. There's a lot to consider.

♥ Buses may be one of the most inexpensive options, but journeys can be lengthier than by other modes of transport, and extremely bumpy to boot. They also tend to have erratic heating- either freezing cold or stiflingly hot, and the seats can be cramped, so it's not always the most pleasant option.

33. Ask About The Sleeping Arrangements
If you're visiting friends or family for a few days over Christmas, find out what the sleeping arrangements will be ahead of time. If you'll be sleeping on the sofa or a camp bed and know it will put your pain levels through the roof, you might want to consider booking in to a hotel to make your stay more comfortable. It will probably be easier to relax and rest in whatever manner makes you the most "comfortable" away from a house full of people, too.

34. Go For A Lie Down
If you're visiting friends or family for a gathering or party and the pain and noise becomes too overwhelming, don't be afraid to ask the host if there's somewhere you can go for a lie down for a while. It's unlikely that they'll refuse your request, and just leave you to suffer and suck it up.

35. Ask Friends and Family To Visit You
If travelling isn't possible this Christmas, ask friends and family to visit you. This doesn't necessarily have to be for a big family gathering, party, or a long stay; how about just inviting your favourite people over for a cuppa  / glass of wine, and a catch up in small numbers?

Keep It Simple

36. Look For Ways To Save Time and Energy
I'm sure you're already a master at this, living with chronic pain and / or chronic illness an' all, but look for ways you can save time and conserve energy so you have more spoons for enjoying the festivities,

♥ Use dry shampoo, 2-in-1 shampoos and conditioners, leave in conditioners, and cleansing wipes to cut a few corners in your routine.

♥ Eat food you can quickly throw together, cook, or bung in the oven so you don't have to spend all day slaving over a hot stove, or perhaps treat yourself to a cheeky takeaway so you don't have to cook at all.

♥ Use paper plates, cups, and plastic cutlery on ordinary days over the festive season so you don't have to wash up as much. It's not great for the environment, but it can make life with chronic pain and chronic illness that little bit easier when you're short on spoons, and have a lot on.

♥ You could also use disposable foil trays for cooking your Christmas turkey and roast veg, so you don't have to spend ages scrubbing away at stubborn grease on metal trays.

♥ Instead of wrapping presents with wrapping paper and fiddly sellotape, pop them in gift bags with some colourful tissue paper. You'll be done wrapping in a fraction of the time. I spent 14 hours wrapping Christmas presents last year, over two days, and it left me in so much pain and in such a state that I could barely move for a fortnight. Looking back, it seems stupid considering presents are ripped open in seconds, and most people will hardly notice how beautifully a present is wrapped in the excitement to find out what lies beneath the paper.

Get Comfortable

37. Make Your Bed Insanely Comfortable
Make your bed as comfortable as possible so you can be as comfortable as possible when you're resting after a long day. Use the comfiest, cosiest, softest bedding you have, a thick duvet, and plenty of pillows and blankets, and curl up like a burrito.

38. Wear Comfortable Clothes and Shoes
Always wear clothes and shoes you feel comfortable in- even if that's pyjamas and slippers, or trackies and trainers. There's no use adding to your discomfort by wearing something that's too tight, scratchy, likely to chafe and blister your skin, hurt your feet, or restrict your movement. You don't necessarily need to sacrifice your style, just make sure you outfits are comfortable to wear. I find I'm most comfortable is a dress over leggings with slip on ballet pumps and a cardi in public, and pyjamas when I'm just slobbing around the house / resting.

39. Make Use Of Cushions and Pillows
Prop cushions or pillows behind you when you're sitting up in a chair, in the car, or in bed, for some extra comfort.

40. Keep Your Essentials To Hand
Keep a bag to hand with your medication and other essentials inside (phone, camera, heat patches, tissues, lippy, etc.) so you don't have to keep getting up every time you need something- even if you're just chilling downstairs at home with your family. I find this really helpful over Christmas when I'm already exhausted from the festivities, and it's taking all I've got just to sit on the sofa without screaming. Having everything to hand saves a lot of painful movement, conserving your energy for enjoying Christmas with your loved ones.

41. Relax In A Hot Bath or Shower
If you can get in and out of the tub, have a hot bath or shower at the end of the day, to loosen up those tense muscles and sore spots. If like me you usually can't, grab the heat patches and / or hot water bottle instead.

Be  Prepared and Be Realistic

42. Be Realistic

Be prepared for the fact you probably won't be able to do everything you want to experience over the festive season, or on the same scale as you may have done in the past, if you were previously healthy / healthier. It can be difficult to come to terms with if you love Christmas and are dying to immerse yourself in all of the fun Christmas activities, parties, and gatherings the festive season has to offer, but there's no point setting yourself up for failure and disappointment, and finding out the hard way. If you struggle just to get out of bed every day of the year, it's unlikely that you'll suddenly be able to power through the festive season, so be prepared that your Christmas might be different than it once was, and the picture you might have built up in your head.

How do you get through Christmas with your chronic pain or chronic illness? Have you got any helpful tips I've not covered that you'd like to share? Let me know in the comments below!

You Might Also Like

25 Ways To Enjoy Christmas On Bed Rest

Looking Back On 2016

I can't believe that it's already time to write another one of these customary end-of-year posts (even if I am over a fortnight late writing it!), where I either look back on the good times and my accomplishments from the past year with sentimental fondness or have a pity party for one thinking about the bad times and everything I didn't achieve.

This year? Well, it's probably going to be a bit of both.

I wish that I could say that 2016 was the greatest year of my life, that it was made up of nothing but amazing experiences, proud accomplishments, health, wealth, and happiness, but if I did I would be lying. 2016 was actually one of the hardest and most challenging years I've ever lived, thanks in large part to my health which deteriorated and evolved further over the year.

My chronic pain worsened making every day even more challenging than it was a year before.

The pain and stiffness in my bones and joints increased enormously, and started to have a profound effect on my flexibility and most worryingly, the use of my hands, regularly stiffening in to claws and creating difficulty with every day tasks like writing, brushing my hair, and buttoning clothes, after a life time of being mild enough to barely slow me down in my day to day life.

And in the Summer, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and spondylitis, adding to my list of chronic illnesses, and bringing an unignorable permanence to this life of chronic pain and illness I wanted to believe was only temporary. It wasn't a shock, especially as I had suspected I had fibromyalgia for years, but I admit now and then my mental health suffered as the reality hit me and I freaked out about living the rest of my life with chronic pain and illness. I guess I'm still trying to get my head around it, and make peace with it, but it's a relief to finally have an explanation for some of my symptoms. (Especially the brain fog, and forgetfulness).

I spent the majority of the year on bed rest, existing but not really living; just doing my best to co-exist with my good friend chronic pain, who didn't leave my side for one waking second all year. Jerk. My health didn't allow me much opportunity to live a normal life, live my life to the full, or even leave the house often in 2016, but I concentrated on making the best of the life I was living at that moment, instead of wallowing around and mourning the life I was missing out on, and feeling sorry for myself. 

I read, I wrote, I blogged, I watched movies, I snapped a ton of photos, I tried to edit them. I educated myself, I listened to music, I played computer games, I coloured, I crafted, I cross stitched regularly, I taught myself how to blanket stitch, and made a bunch of hoop art for the first time. I found joy in the little things in life, particularly in making and creating stuff, and focused on taking life one day at a time. I like to think I got by okay. Most of the time I stayed happy and upbeat.

Of course, the one thing that really made a difference to my life in 2016 was the arrival of my very first dog, Rosie, on the 1st of March. Taking on a ten week old puppy was a whole new adventure, a learning curve, and often rather challenging, especially trying to keep up with her crazy antics and endless energy with chronic pain screaming at me to rest, but it was always worth it. She gave me companionship, affection, something to aim for, and a reason to coax myself out of bed as often as I could bare. I spent longer out of bed than I did in years, and even managed to reverse my osteomalacia (adult rickets / vitamin D deficiencies) from all the time I spent with her in the garden! That crazy little hound gave me so many reasons to smile and laugh, and even when she was being a little terror, she always brightened my day. Life is so much better with her around to keep me on my toes.

While I was house bound and bed ridden for the majority of the year, I was able to get out and about every now and then, visit new places and some old favourites, and have a little fun.

I visited a beautiful bluebell woods close to home in the Spring.

My best friend and her son came to visit for a few days in April.

I took two trips to The Cotswold Wildlife Park.

I went to an open day of a private zoo of animal actors.

I saw Ronan Keating in concert. Twice. In one weekend.

I visited the Bournemouth aquarium.

I spent about fifteen minutes enjoying the view of Bournemouth beach from the sea front.

I very briefly passed through Arundel and saw Arundel Castle.

I stayed overnight in sunny Brighton, and saw parts of it in the daylight for the first time, including the sea and the pier. (Albeit from the car).

I had my first Five Guys at the very pretty Brighton Marina.

I went to Bourton-on-the-Water twice; once in October, and once in December, for the Christmas lights turn on.

I went on a few random drives close to home and stumbled up on pretty places in The Cotswolds I'd never seen before.

And every once in a while, I tagged along in to Oxford, Cheltenham, and Bicester Village with the sister on short shopping trips.

I didn't get out and about often, but when I did, I tried to make it count, and I have plenty of good memories to look back on from 2016.

I may not have reached any of the milestones many people my age have reached by now like marriage, kids, living in my own home, travelling the world, earning a comfortable wage, having a high-flying career, and an amazing social life, but under the circumstances, I think I did okay, and had a lot to be thankful for in 2016. I know there will have been many people who had it a lot worse than me, and I try to remember that. My year was challenging, but it could have been worse.

There are things I regret and wish I'd done differently in 2016, and most of those relate to the blog. I regret that I wasn't able to blog as regularly or consistently as I had in the past, or blog about all the things I wanted to. I wasn't happy with the quality of my photos or some of the work I did post, and I'm ashamed that I let my interaction and reliability slide, but those are all things I intend to work on in 2017, and I promise to give it my best shot. I kinda like hanging out around these parts with you guys! I did work with some wonderful brands, though, and amazingly, I reached over 16,500 Pinterest followers by the end of the year, which is insane! I know that's not a lot to most bloggers, but for me and my little blog, it's crazy and a milestone I'm proud of! Thanks for following along, and for all your support in 2016- you guys are awesome!

Favourite Posts From 2016
642 Things To Write About Me Book Review
My Mystical Wonderland Adult Colouring Book Review
What I Got For Christmas 2015
What I Wore | Tartan Revival
What I Wore | Red and Green Should Never Be Seen
Love Hearts and Scarlet Kisses
We're Getting A Puppy!
Puppy Spam | Rosie 10-12 Weeks Old
Puppy Spam | Rosie 12-16 Weeks Old
Puppy Spam | Rosie 4-6 Months Old
Thoughts That Go Through My Head In Hospital Waiting Rooms
The Cotswold Wildlife Park July 2016
Cath Kidston Little Flower Buds Owl Brooch
My Quirky Brooch Collection
My Colourful Patchwork Home Sweet Home Sampler
My Tsum Tsum Collection
Heythrop Zoo Open Day
October Road Trip Day One: Bournemouth
October Road Trip Day Two: Arundel and Arundel Castle
My Chronic Pain and Chronic Illness Christmas Survival Guide
25 Ways To Enjoy Christmas On Bed Rest
Escape To Christmas Past Adult Colouring Book Review
My Merry Christmas Colourful Cross Stitch Sampler
My Handmade Christmas Crackers
Getting Ready For Christmas
What's In My Christmas Eve Box?

I've no idea what 2017 has in store for me with the blog, my health, or any aspect of my life, but I got through 2016 in one piece, and I know I'll do the same this year, no matter what life throws at me. 2017, do you worst! I'm ready for ya!

What was the best thing that happened to you in 2016?

My Life With Disc Injuries: A Two Year Milestone

I can't quite believe it myself, but yesterday, (8th September), marked two years of living in constant pain with disc injuries. I'm finding it difficult to comprehend how I've made it through 104 weeks or 731 days of life in pain, and living this unconventional life on hiatus that confines me to bed. How did that happen? Where has the time gone? And how did I get here?

If somebody had told me two years ago that I had injured several of my discs, and would still be in pain two years later, I would never have believed them.  I couldn't have even imagined living such a life. Bad things like that happened to other people, not me. It happened to people in magazines and on TV, and to people much older than I. I was even convinced, when the pain first began, that I'd be back to normal in a week or two if I just kept going. How wrong I was.

What would follow would prove to be two of the most difficult and life-altering years of my life to date. Two years filled with disc injuries, constant pain, medical appointments, a cocktail of painkillers (none of which have worked), little help from the NHS, and learning how to cope with all this whilst being house-bound with my life on hold.

My life has changed dramatically over the last two years-

- I've lost my freedom and independence.

- I've lost my physical strength and full mobility.

- I'm in pain twenty-four hours a day and rely on medication that doesn't even skim the surface of it.

- I spend up to twenty-four hours a day in bed with just my thoughts and a laptop for company.

- Most of my friends have stopped calling, but I've learnt who my true friends are.

- I can't get out and about much. I can't go and do all the things I enjoy most in life. I can't socialise.

- I can't fully take care of myself; I have to rely on family members for help with some tasks.

- I can't work (in the physical sense out of bed), though I am still employed.

- I don't sleep well, and have turned nocturnal.

- And waiting rooms have become a common sight.

... but I also feel like I've learnt so much and grown so much as a person during this time.

Finding myself in this serious and fragile state so suddenly really opened my eyes to what is really important in life, and it actually snapped me out of a bad bout of depression that I'd been struggling with for a decade. It literally lifted over night, easing away like a blanket of fog. I think I just realised how trivial and unimportant some of the things that were getting me down and plaguing me were compared to what I was suddenly going through with my back, and I suddenly had a whole new outlook on life. I can't really explain it; I can't quite get my head around how a difficult situation like this could improve my depression, but I'm thankful that it has. The depression is still with me, of course, but it's mostly lying dormant now, and I've not been this content with life since my early teens.

I don't allow myself to be bothered by every little thing in life like I used to. I prefer it this way. Life's too short.

I know if I hadn't have become injured and bed ridden from pain, that I probably wouldn't be a plus size blogger today, nor would I be so comfortable with who I am. I wouldn't have needed to find something to occupy myself with, and I wouldn't have stumbled upon the wonderful world of body positivity and fat acceptance on Tumblr by chance. I never knew such a world existed, and I was honestly amazed when I saw women like me being comfortable in their own skin and enjoying fashion. I loved fashion and beauty, but I still hadn't learnt to love myself at that point. (I had spent my entire life hating myself). I started following some of these fatshion and body positivity blogs, and I began to accept myself a little more each day. I was hooked.

Less than six months later I found the courage to begin my own blog to share my outfits as a plus size girl... me; the girl who hid from cameras for over a decade, and untagged herself from Facebook photos. This would never have happened if I hadn't have injured myself. I know this as a fact.

Starting my blog is one of the best things I've ever done, and I truly mean that. I have it and all my lovely readers to thank for so much. I started it in an attempt to work towards self-acceptance, to share my love of fashion, and to keep myself occupied while I was alone in bed all day. I decided that I wanted to have something positive to look back on one day from a difficult time in my life. I think I've achieved that.

I could never have imagined the impact this blog would have on my life. It's kept me distracted and occupied like I'd hoped, giving me something to focus on and throw myself in to every day. It's given me a purpose in life. My mind is always busy, which stops me from dwelling on my pain, and it keeps me from boredom. I have somewhere to express myself; to share what I'm feeling along with writing about things I'm passionate about; a place to share the real me. I find blogging here so therapeutic; I feel my troubles ease away with every word I write and a sense of accomplishment when I publish a post. Writing has done more for me than any doctor ever could. It's been there for me when I've had nothing else, when the pain had been raging, and I've felt a little lost and alone. It's taught me so much about myself, and helped me to evolve as a person. It's helped me to go further along the road to self-acceptance than I've ever been before;  a million miles further than I ever thought I'd reach. I've gone from detesting myself and my body, to being content with who I am. And I know I wouldn't possibly have reached this place if it wasn't for the struggle I've faced over these last two years. I would never have had the inspiration, confidence, or time to get to where I am today.

But... I have made it here. I have become a blogger. I have become part of a wonderful community, and I have come along leaps and bounds on the yellow brick road to self acceptance... I have made it through two years of pain and living on hiatus. I gave myself the tools to get myself through two years of pain and uncertainty, and if I hadn't have started this blog, I know the last two years would have been a much harder struggle.

My blog may be small, but I love what I've created and I'm so thankful to everyone who has read and commented on my posts, offered me support, and kept me going. It's thanks to you that I made it through to this two year milestone unscathed, strong, and still fighting. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I may not have made any improvement with my pain levels or recovery during a full two years, and I may see the future with uncertainty, but I've proven to myself that good really can come out of difficult times. And that to me is a sign that I can make it through another two years if I have to, and I can make it through anything.

Here's to the future!