How I Caught Covid-19

Well, it finally happened. After two and a half years of trying to avoid it, the ol' Corona Virus finally caught me.

And, would you believe, I got infected the first time I let my guard down, and went without a mask in public?! It's like a storyline from a teen soap opera to scare kids in to being sensible, except it really did happen. 

I came down with cold symptoms two days after I got home from seeing Ronan Keating live in Bournemouth at the end of June. It was my first concert in almost three years, and my first time in a large crowd since before the pandemic. I haven't been anywhere else in ages, so there's no doubt where I caught it. I went in intending to wear a mask to try to stay safe, but it was so hot in the venue that I felt faint, and had to remove it before I'd even made it in to my seat. I felt anxious about it at first, but it felt just like old times, and I soon forgot about it and let myself relax. That was definitely a stupid move on my part, but I only saw a handful of mask-wearers in a crowd of thousands, so I doubt wearing a mask would've made much of a difference, anyway. With everyone singing and screaming along to the show, the virus must've been a thick smog in the air. I didn't get too close to anyone, but there was someone coughing nearby, which I can hear in most of the videos I took of the gig, so I'm totally going to blame that person for going to the gig sick and infecting me. (Although, there were probably loads of people there who were Covid-positive, whether they knew it or not). 

I tried to wear a mask as much as possible for the rest of our trip to Bournemouth, including in taxis and shops, but I also made the mistake of not keeping my mask on on the bus because, again, I was uncomfortably hot from the heatwave. I just popped it on whenever people were boarding or disembarking the bus, so if I didn't catch Covid at the concert, it will have been on the journey there or back.

I feel so stupid for being so complacent because I've been so careful since the pandemic began. I haven't been near people in public without wearing a mask, I regularly anti-bac my hands, and I still disinfect any parcels that come in to the house just to be on the safe side. I've tried to be extra careful to keep my family safe, and because my immune system isn't as strong as it used to be, and what do I do? I undo two and a half years of caution by trying to enjoy one of my favourite pastimes without overheating, and get so distracted by a singing Irish man that I catch it anyway. Oh, well, at least I caught it doing something I love. It was worth it.

We stayed over night and got home the next afternoon. I felt fine at first, but two days later, on the Sunday, I woke up with a sore throat, and a temperature, and started getting the sniffles. I did a test right away, but I didn't test positive until another two days later, five days after the gig. (It's definitely important to keep testing if you get cold symptoms, because it can take five days or more to show).

Fortunately, Covid hasn't been much worse than a bad cold for me, except that most of the symptoms have stayed much longer than with a normal cold. The first couple of days I was positive were awful. I had such a high temperature, I was sweating through my clothes; my whole body felt like it was on fire. I felt fatigued, I got sharp pains in my abdomen (not cramps, stabbing pain), and my whole body ached, with all of my joints and usual pain points hurting much worse than usual. I almost completely lost my voice, I got a terrible dry cough that I just couldn't clear as there was so much mucus on my chest, and my poor nose ran like a tap. There was also a day at the beginning where my breathing was a bit laboured, and I felt like I couldn't breathe properly when I laid down, which was all I wanted to do as I felt like crap. It was like there was a crushing weight pushing my organs in from the sides. Luckily, the laboured breathing only lasted a day, and once my temperature broke and the cough began to loosen, I didn't feel too bad. It didn't linger too long in my head and sinuses the way a cold can, so that made it a lot easier to deal with. It's mostly been a lot of sneezing, a raw throat, and burning up with a temperature, with a dry wheezing cough on and off. In all honesty, I think I've had worse colds, so I've been very lucky.

I began to feel more like myself after a week or so, but the symptoms persisted, and I kept testing positive until day thirteen (day fifteen with symptoms), when I finally tested negative again. I'm still a little wheezy almost three weeks on, and still have a cough, although, it's thankfully not persistent, and mostly just gets irritated when I eat or talk. Hopefully I'll be able to shake it off really soon. I'm so over it now.

I've spent the last three weeks isolating in my bedroom, missing another concert I'd been looking forward to for two and a half years (I'm still devastated), and spending my birthday in bed on my own, in the hopes of not spreading Covid to anyone else. I only left my room to use the bathroom while I had Covid, but despite isolating, wearing a mask, and disinfecting anything I touched, everyone in the house (except the dog) caught it, anyway. My Mum was the first to catch it a few days after I did, but she had been around me before I tested positive. My younger sister got it a few days after that, and my Dad several days later, and while I feel incredibly guilty (and have been blamed daily for them catching it), I refuse to take full responsibility since neither of them stayed away from either myself or my Mum while we were infected. I'm not being blamed for their recklessness. I at least tried to contain it, and even stayed away from Rosie, in case she got sick, too- even when she was breaking my heart scratching at and howling outside my bedroom door, not understanding why I couldn't let her in. 

My family catching Covid has been one of my biggest fears since the pandemic began, particularly because of health conditions and with my parents getting older, but thankfully, nobody's had any complications, and we've all had quite mild cases. Even my Dad, who has chronic asthma, got through it easily. I'm just grateful we caught it now and not two years ago, when the virus was stronger and much more serious. My parents were lucky and were both negative again after just 4-5 days, and are recovering well. My sister still has it, but is definitely doing a lot better.

Miraculously, my other sister, who came with me to the gig, came away unscathed. I was beginning to wonder if she was immune, and was thinking of sacrificing her to Big Pharma as a cure for mankind, but now she and my brother-in-law have got it, too. Though, thankfully I can't be blamed for that; it sounds like she caught it from a colleague at work. 

Covid is definitely rife in the UK again at the moment. So many people are catching it after avoiding it all this time. I don't think there's a lot we can do to avoid it now that so few are wearing masks in public. It's clearly still very contagious, and we're just going to keep catching it like colds and the flu unless masks are made a legal requirement again. (Which I don't see happening). I don't think most people need to fear it anymore, but it's still better to try to keep vulnerable people safe, and avoid getting sick yourself. I'm going to keep wearing masks in public and anti-bac-ing my hands to avoid catching it again too soon, and next time I go to a gig, I'm going to try to keep a mask on. If only to avoid another three weeks of blame from my family. Their scorn was worse than the virus!

If you're going to a gig or a festival this summer, or are going to be in any kind of crowd, I'd definitely advise against going maskless, or you might come home with more than a band t-shirt and a heart full of good memories. Learn from my mistakes!

Have you caught the dreaded Corona Virus yet?

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My Experience of the Covid-19 Astra Zeneca Vaccine

My Experience of the Covid-19 Astra Zeneca Vaccine

 

Last Thursday, I finally got my first Covid-19 vaccine!

I'm officially part of the Astra Zeneca club.

I got a phone call from my doctor's surgery about a week earlier asking if I'd booked myself in for the Covid vaccine, but it was news to me. It turns out, they'd been trying to contact me by text for a while, but I never got the messages as my mobile's broken. Luckily, instead of having to make an appointment via text message, the receptionist was able to book me in for an appointment at my local doctor's surgery over the phone. All I had to do was print and fill out some vaccination forms, and take them along to the appointment. Simple as that.

I thought I'd share my experience of getting the Astra Zeneca vaccine with you guys for anyone who might like to know what to expect from the vaccine, and the side effects you might develop afterwards. Of course, the process might differ slightly from place to place, and everyone reacts differently to the vaccine, but it should help you get a feel for it.

So, on Thursday afternoon, I arrived at my local doctor's surgery ten minutes early, along with my younger sister, who was booked in at the same time. We weren't supposed to arrive early, but fortunately, the surgery was quiet, and they were able to see us straight away. 

A woman was waiting at reception, who passed our forms to the receptionists to check, and stuck a green dot sticker on our clothes. She then sent us across to another woman who provided pamphlets on what to expect from the vaccine, including a list of side effects we might experience. Before I even had a chance to glance at them, she told me a doctor was available, and sent me straight on through.

My doctor's surgery had converted their waiting room in to a vaccination point, and had a small set up with a Perspex screen separating the area from reception, but not from each doctor and patient. They merely had a few vaccination points with a doctor or nurse working from a small work space, with a few chairs beside them, and an aisle running in a square in between. I found it surprising that each area wasn't spaced far apart or separated from the others with walls for safety and privacy, but there were only a couple of other patients around (one was my sister), and apart from having to pass right by a lingering man to reach the doctor, it felt safe and relaxed.

I was seen by one of the doctors, who indicated that he was free, and invited me to sit down. He took my forms from me, told me that I would be having the Astra Zeneca vaccine, and asked me if I had any questions. I told him that I didn't, since I already felt well informed, and wasn't concerned about the tiny risk of blood clots recently reported on the news. He took a moment to prepare the needle and syringe while making small talk, warned me that I might feel a small scratch, and injected me in my upper arm. I barely felt a thing- it honestly hurt less than a routine blood test. After it was done, he told me I would need my second vaccine in eleven to twelve weeks time, and gave me a vaccine card, which I have to hold on to until the second appointment. I was then advised not to drive for fifteen minutes, and was free to go. The whole process, from entering the building to leaving, took all of two minutes. It was so easy and efficient, and completely painless.         

For the rest of the day, my arm only had a slight ache around the injection point, and I started to get a mild headache in the back of my head in the evening. I felt hopeful that I'd be one of the lucky ones, and would get off lightly with side-effects.

Who was I kidding? I'm never the lucky one. The next day, I awoke with similar symptoms, but within a few hours, I started to get aches all over, and then developed a temperature, a fever, and dizziness. I felt really fluish by the evening, and kept going from boiling hot to freezing cold. My head was so sore I could hear all the blood rushing around, and I just basically felt horrendous. On top of that, my Fibromyalgia and Arthritis were also flaring, and my lower back felt soooo inflamed I wanted to cry- although, I'm not sure if the vaccine aggravated my chronic pain, or if it was just a coincidence. I personally think it aggravated them.

Luckily, I woke up on Saturday, feeling much better, apart from a slight temperature, which went away a few hours later. By Sunday, all of the symptoms I had experienced had gone away completely, and I was back to my normal state of ill health except for my upper arm which had started to swell. I had hoped it would be better by Monday, but yesterday, the swelling was even worse. My upper arm was swollen up like a tennis ball, and my skin was stretched so tight it hurt. It's definitely gone down a bit over night, but it's still uncomfortable, and feels sore if I move it, touch it, or accidentally lean against something. Fingers crossed it'll be back to normal in a day or two.

It could be much worse, and I think I've gotten off lightly with this vaccine, only having one day of mild flu-like symptoms and a few days with a swollen arm. My Mum was ill for over a week with her first vaccine a few weeks ago. They're perfectly normal side effects in any case, and just show that the vaccine and my body are doing their jobs. I think a day or two of feeling ill is totally worth it to finally have some immunity against Covid-19, and help bring us another step closer in getting this terrible virus under control once and for all. It's a small price to pay if it can help save lives, weaken the virus, and help the world return to normal again. I'd much rather have a day or two of mild flu-like symptoms than have to fight for my life in ICU, hooked up to a ventilator with Covid-19.                                         

If you're still worried about getting the vaccine, don't be. It's so quick and painless. The side effects really aren't that bad, and you might get lucky and not get any at all. My Dad, for example, only got a mild headache. If you've got any concerns about having it, don't listen to the anti-vaxxers; have a chat with your doctor and let them answer any questions you might have. They'll be able to put your mind at ease. My parents, my sisters, my Nana, and an older Auntie have all been vaccinated so far, and we're all doing fine. 

I personally feel relieved to have been given the vaccine, and that several members of my family have had their's, too. It's a relief to have some immunity, and to know that if any of us catch the virus, it should help us survive it. I won't feel relaxed about the virus until we've all had our second jabs, and probably not even then, but it's a good start, and hopefully the beginning of the end of living in fear. It feels like we're one step closer to the end of the pandemic in England, and one step closer to reclaiming normality again. It feels good.

Have you had your first Covid-19 vaccination yet?

15 Things I Want To Do After Covid-19

Ever since lockdown first began, everyone has been talking about all the things that they can't wait to do the moment the virus is over and it's safe to live our lives again. I've even found myself daydreaming about all the things I'm going to do when it's safe again... and then I remember I have chronic illnesses and I'll still be housebound once the pandemic is over. I won't be able to just resume my old active life where I left off like a half-watched movie on Netflix, and do all the things I long to do like everyone else. I'll have to continue the mostly house-bound life of a spoonie I left off in March 2020 instead, which wasn't much different to lockdown life apart from I got to leave the house for medical appointments, and the occasional trip to the supermarket. Maybe a concert once or twice a year, if I was lucky.

The funny thing is, as boring as that life was, I still miss it. At least pre-Covid, I got out of the house from time to time, and there was no distancing, face masks, or anti-bacterial hand gel required to do simple every day things that we all took for granted. I could go get the medical care I needed, and enjoy an occasional reprieve from confinement. I could cope with being housebound because I knew I would eventually get a couple of hours out of the house, whether a week, a month or a few months later, and I had that to aim for and look forward to. A freedom I haven't had since the virus arrived.

I realised the other day that I haven't left the house in six and a half months. The last time I went out was in early February (pre-Covid), and that was only briefly... to buy a mattress topper from the supermarket. I haven't even been downstairs or in to the garden in my own home since Easter. I've been struggling a lot with worsening chronic pain this year, and was already enjoying my own personal isolation because of it before the Corona Virus arrived, and the government placed us on lockdown in March. I've ventured out a grand total of three times since Christmas. Then lockdown happened, everyone was suddenly forced to stay home to stay safe, and I both couldn't and didn't want to leave the house for fear of catching the virus and passing it on to my family. (Which makes me laugh as I thought everyone was overreacting in early March). As much as I miss the outdoors and life in the outside world, the thought of going out during a pandemic, even with distancing measures, does not appeal to me at all. It makes me feel anxious. I'd rather stay home and stay safe. I don't want to risk anyone's life to get my hair cut, have a few drinks at the pub, or spend a day at the beach. It's not worth it. It can all wait until it's safe again.

That's not to say that I don't miss pre-Covid life, and all those little things that we all used to take for granted. I'm looking forward to the day when we've beaten this terrible virus and life has returned to normal. (Or some resemblance of our old normal. Can life really be the same again after Covid)? There are so many things I can't wait to do once it's safe again, and we don't have to worry about safety measures to be able to do them. (Even if it'll be at my own pace, which could take a while). I know we can technically do most of them now lockdown restrictions have eased, but I don't personally feel safe yet. and would rather wait until the virus has dissipated or we have a vaccine before I do most of them again.

The good thing about living housebound for almost nine years is that it's taught me patience with staying home a lot and weeks or months passing between outings, whether they're essential or for fun. I've waited this long, and I know I can wait as long as it takes us to beat the virus to do all the things I want or need to do. It doesn't stop me dreaming about all the things I'm missing out on, though, and I'm looking forward to the day when normal life can resume.

So, here are fifteen things I miss and can't wait to do when Covid-19 is over.

Go to the hairdresser's and get a hair cut
I haven't had a hair cut in over three years, and what was a long bob is now about a month away from being long enough for me to sit on. I'm in danger or turning in to Cousin It, and since I don't want to resort to cutting my hair at home, a hair cut is definitely a priority when life is safe again. I can't wait to get it chopped off.

Go to the opticians and buy myself a gorgeous new pair of glasses
I'm in desperate need of new glasses since Specsavers dented my Cath Kidston frames during a glasses adjustment, and one of the lenses keeps falling out multiple times a day. I'm dying to get myself a new pair so I can stop feeling like that dorky kid at school with taped-up glasses.

Go to all the concerts 
As a concert addict, I'm missing gigs so much, and am most looking forward to that first live show after lockdown. A couple of gigs I was supposed to see this summer have been rescheduled to January, but something tells me I'm going to be waiting a lot longer to see them.  All I know is, once it's safe again, I'll be going to all the shows to make up for lost time.

Take a holiday to Cornwall
I was supposed to be going on holiday to Cornwall with my sister in September, but we've both agreed it's not safe, and have postponed our trip 'til next summer (or whenever the virus is under control, if it's still with us a year from now). I'm so disappointed as I've not had a holiday in years, but I'm looking forward to going back, feeling the sand between my toes, having a paddle in the sea, eating pasties and cream teas, and revisiting some of my favourite places.

See my sister and brother-in-law without distancing
I live with my parents and younger sister because of my health, and didn't see my relatives often before lockdown because we don't live close by, so I've mostly missed seeing my older sister and brother-in-law. They've just moved back to England from Germany, and it'd be great to be able to spend some time with them without social distancing and wearing face masks. Sure, socially distanced visits are better than nothing, but they're not quite the same, are they?

Resume my health care, and refer myself to pain management
As someone who is chronically ill, one of the weirdest things about this pandemic is not having stepped foot in a doctor's surgery or a hospital in six months because non-emergency health care is on hold. I would normally have at least a couple of appointments a month. I guess it's been nice to have a break from it all, but it's frustrating, too. I was just being referred to pain management when the pandemic arrived in March, but obviously, that got put on hold because of the virus, and with my chronic pain and arthritis worsening, I'm eager to explore this route again once life is back to normal.  I had a bad experience with a panic clinic 8 years ago, but I want to find out if pain management from a different hospital could be beneficial, and particularly wonder if hydrotherapy could help with the arthritis in my knees, and other leg joints, and get me mobilising a bit more.

Take a cinema trip
I haven't been to the cinema since Mockingjay Part 2 as sitting in a chair for two hours was causing more back pain than I could handle. I used to go at least once a month, and I really miss seeing new films on the big screen, so I want to try going again post-Covid. Maybe if I find a cinema with luxury leather seats, I'll be able to get through an entire film without writhing in pain, and spending two weeks recovering. I think Oxford has one now, so I'll have to look in to it.

Go out for a leisurely lunch / dinner
One thing I miss doing is going out for lunch or dinner and having a chatty catch up with some good food and cocktails. I need to do more of that when life is good again.

Go book shopping
I can't wait to be able to have a good trawl through a book shop again. Online sellers are great, but I miss browsing for new books in person, discovering new reads organically, taking in the smell of paper, and admiring all the pretty clothbound and leatherbound books. You just don't get the same experience from ordering books online.

Spend a day or two in London
I miss the hustle and bustle of the city streets, sight-seeing, going to shows, shopping, being able to order food at any hour of the day or night, and even being crammed in like sardines on the Tube. I can't wait to enjoy all the city has to offer again.  I'll probably end up booking my next concert there just so I have an excuse to stay over a night or two and spend some time enjoying myself there.

Get my eyebrows done
It probably sounds weird, but I miss getting my eyebrows done. They look so much better when they've been threaded, and it's a treat not to have to do them myself.

Take walks in nature
Being confined indoors makes me miss the outdoors and nature much more than frivolous things like shopping, meals out, and beauty treatments. I'm looking forward to the day when I can take walks in the woods, or by the river without worrying about avoiding the other 9853819017 people who are doing the same. I miss being outside, and enjoying the pretty Cotswolds countryside. Maybe I'll have to find some quieter spots I can visit this autumn.

See a musical at the theatre
Seeing musicals at the theatre has long been one of my favourite things to do, and boy, do I miss it.  I'm gutted I never got to go see Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act this summer. When performances resume, and we're allowed to be in the audience again, I'm definitely going to book tickets for a show in Oxford or the West End.

Stock up on craft supplies at Hobbycraft
It's a silly one, but I miss visits to Hobbycraft to stock up on craft supplies. It was often the only thing I got out of the house for. I'm looking forward to returning to my local store, and stocking up on all the craft supplies I never knew I needed.

Take a trip to the zoo
As a huge animal lover, I love a good trip to the zoo, and I'm eager to pay one a visit soon to see all the animals and plants. I think it's one of the few outings I'd feel comfortable doing during the pandemic as my local zoo has so much open space it would be easy to social distance from other visitors. I'd like to attempt a visit once the school holidays are over and most kids are back at school, so it's a bit quieter. My sister and I have also talked about taking a day trip to Whipsnade Wild Animal Park before the summer is over, which I can't wait to do. It also has loads of open space for distancing safely, and we'd take the car in to make getting around a bit easier on me as the zoo is huge, so at least that would give us somewhere to retreat to if it got too busy.

And those are some of the things I'm looking forward to doing once the Corona Virus is over. Whenever that might be.

What are you most looking forward to doing again?

Another Boring Health Update

It's been a few months since I last sat down and wrote an update on everything that's been going on with my health, so I thought it was about time I wrote a fresh post to fill you in.

If you read my last health update in March, you might remember that in February I suddenly began experiencing some pretty intense tachycardia and palpitations that resulted in an emergency visit to A&E for an ECG. I had numerous tests at the hospital and with my GP, but the doctors couldn't find the cause of the problem because all of the other tests came back perfectly healthy, and the only conclusion was that my medication could be to blame. However, weeks after I was taken off the drug, my heart rate wasn't showing any signs of slowing down, so my GP eventually decided to refer me to a cardiologist for further tests, and an expert opinion.

And so I waited.

I eventually got an appointment through for the end of May, three and a half months after the symptoms began, which was a long, worrying wait when your heart is racing continuously, and you have no idea why. I have to admit that the length of time I had to wait scared me to begin with, because not knowing what was going on with my heart, I didn't know if my heart was going to hang in there long enough to get me there. I know that makes me sound over-dramatic, but three and a half months feels like an eternity when an organ you rely on to live is suddenly malfunctioning, and you have no idea why. All I could do was pray my heart kept beating long enough to get me to the appointment.

In the meantime, I had a number of appointments and blood tests with my GP to keep an eye on things. Thankfully, all the tests came back perfectly healthy, apart from my heart rate, and the usual high inflammatory and parathyroid levels which have been abnormal for years.

My GP was eager for me to go back and see my rheumatologist as a few months had passed since I'd last met with him, although I was waiting for the issues with my heart to stop before I continued with his care because it was more than I had strength for, and at the time, travelling was only increasing my heart rate. Of course, not long afterwards I received an appointment slip through the post... three days after the stated appointment date. I still have no idea who made the appointment. My GP didn't know anything about it, but she had contacted the rheumatologist to fill him in on the latest developments with my permission, so perhaps he made it. In the end, I had to rebook an appointment to see him, even though I knew it would be a complete waste of time and money because I couldn't take any new medicines, try any new treatments, or exert myself with exercise until I knew what was going on with my heart. It turns out, I was right; my rheumatologist wasn't willing to proceed with treatment until I'd seen the cardiologist, and we knew what was going on. He wasn't convinced the sulfasalazine tablets were to blame for my increased heart rate and palpitations, but he ran a few tests on me, and took my pulse, which was still beating away at around 120BPM! He was baffled, and curious to know what was going on.

While I was there, he suggested a couple of new anti-inflammatory drugs we could try once the heart issues were resolved as a replacement for the sulfasalazine, and talked about the results of my blood tests. My parathyroid, which is the thyroid which regulates how the body uses and stores calcium in the blood and bones, is still very high, and apparently if the hormone remains high for a long time, it can do so permanently which can lead to all sorts of problems like softening bones and kidney failure. If it remains high much longer, I may have to have surgery to remove the parathyroid glands from my neck, but if it happens, it happens. I'm told it's just a simple procedure so I'm not worried. Whatever I need to do to keep myself in working order. I'd rather go through the surgery than further health issues as a result of doing nothing.

There wasn't a lot else he could do until we knew what was going on with my heart, so we agreed to put care for my chronic illnesses on hold until I'd met with the cardiologist, and left it at that. That was £95 down the drain.

With everything going on with my heart,  my chronic pain and chronic illnesses have had to take a back seat, so I've had very little care, and no scans or treatments so far this year. I've not been making any progress, but as no painkiller or treatment has ever reduced my pain, or improved my mobility, it hasn't had a negative impact or made any difference to my life. I would just like to resume my care with the rheumatologist and spinal surgeon soon to try to find something that might help me improve enough to get some resemblance of a life back.

Between that appointment in April and the appointment with the cardiologist at the end of May, very little happened with my health care, apart from more blood tests to keep an eye on things. My heart continued to race uncontrollably at various speeds, and while now and then it slowed down a little, it's not gone back to normal since it all kicked off in February. There were a number of days when it raced so fast I was on the verge of going back to A&E because it was scaring me so much, but I didn't bother because I knew they wouldn't be able to do anything, and I'd have just been wasting their limited time, and resources. I had and continue to have a lot of sleepless nights because when your heart is beating uncontrollably fast it's not only uncomfortable, but surprisingly difficult to relax, and switch off enough to drift off to dreamland. On the particularly bad nights, the speed of my heart puts me on edge, and every time my eyes grow heavy or I feel my heart slow a little, I jolt awake with a fright, scared I'm about to die instead of go to sleep. It's exhausting.

At the end of May, I finally had my appointment with a cardiologist at the John Radcliffe. First I had to have an ultrasound on my heart, which included scanning my chest and left breast up to and including my neck. It was no big deal at all, except that it was actually quite uncomfortable in places, particularly when she scanned my throat, because they have to press down so hard with the Doppler to get a clear image. I also had another ECG- my heart rate was still around 120BPM- and my blood pressure was taken, which was completely healthy.

After the tests, I had to wait around for a while to see the cardiologist for the results. It turns out my heart is perfectly healthy and functioning at it should- apart from beating much too fast, of course. They don't believe my heart complaints are the result of a heart condition, which was a massive relief to hear, but in another way, it's frustrating because I still don't know what is causing the problem. When I asked the cardiologist if X, Y, and Z could cause tachycardia, he told me it could be caused by pain, stress, medication, anxiety, caffeine, other health conditions, nothing at all, and all sorts of other things, and then kinda rudely implied that he thought I looked like the type of person who would be overly anxious. I have to say, I was really offended because I'd only been in the room about thirty seconds, and had barely had a chance to open my mouth. Yes, I do suffer from anxiety but I wouldn't call myself overly anxious these days, as it's currently well-managed, and affects me more in social situations. I know it's not the reason because I've not been feeling anxious at all lately. I've noticed stress aggravates my symptoms, but I don't believe that's the cause, either. I still think the medication, or the strain of almost six years of constant pain is to blame, but lately I've been wondering if my laptop could be contributing to it because I use it so much when I'm propped up in bed with it sitting against my legs and stomach. Although, it was still racing like crazy when I was in Cornwall and away from technology for a week, so who knows. Perhaps I'll never get to the bottom of it.

The cardiologist suggested prescribing me some beta blockers to help slow down my heart a little, but advised that they have a tendency to cause extreme fatigue, which isn't what you need more of when you're living with fibromyalgia!

I finally began taking the beta blockers a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, all they did was increase my heart rate further, give me palpitations, and make me ill, so I had to stop taking them. I still need to speak to my GP about it, and find out if there's an alternative I can try, but I don't want to continue taking them.

I also recently went for an ultrasound on my ovaries to investigate the pain I was getting in my ovaries, groin, and abdomen at the same time my heart first began to race. I don't know if it was connected, but it seemed important to find out in case something in that region could be the cause. I noticed the pain was returning in monthly intervals and seemed to be be coming from the area around my reproductive organs, so I brought it up with the doctor, who wanted me to get an ultrasound to see what was going on. The scan was more to find out if I have PCOS, which I've always been pretty certain I have because I've never functioned normally, and it runs in my family, but I had never talked to a doctor about it. To be honest, it's never bothered me and I don't particularly want kids, so I never felt the need to. I'm still waiting for the results, but it'll be interesting to find out if anything is going on there, and if the results could give a reason for my heart issues. 

Everything seems to be a bit faulty with my body these days. I think I need to go in for repairs or a full body transplant! Haha!

So, it's been an eventful few months, and a lot has been happening, but it could've been a lot worse. My heart is still racing away five months down the line, and I still have no idea why, but the main thing is I'm still alive and fighting, and getting by just fine. I'm not giving up just yet! The grim reaper will have to try harder than that if he wants to catch me!

Well, that's me... how have you been?

Health Update | One Racing Heart and Two ECGs

I'm sorry it's been so quiet on the blog these past couple of weeks. I've been having a crazy, eventful and pretty scary time with my health lately, this time with my heart deciding to join the bandwagon of body part trolls that are committed to making my life insufferable. It's been so bad I ended up in A&E the Sunday before last, and found myself going through two ECGs in one week. To be honest, those weren't even the worst parts.

To explain, I guess I'm going to have to rewind a few weeks...

This is going to be one of those posts where I ramble and just let my thoughts and feelings spill out on to the page like a diary entry, because I think it's the only way I can explain properly, make sense of it all, and hopefully clear my mind of the stress in the process. It's probably going to be a bit of a long one, and I'm sorry if a lot of it doesn't make much sense.

About three weeks ago, I began getting some really weird symptoms. I had intense abdominal pain for a few days that was so painful I genuinely thought something had or was about to rupture, which then faded and gave way to excruciating, electric, nerve pain (like horrendously painful pins and needles) in my torso, arms, back, and spine. I was also getting numbness in places, and tender pain in parts of my spine that don't usually cause me too much grief, and all the while I was shaking constantly from head to toe, like my whole body had gone in to shock or I'd spent too long listening to Trump being a racist, sexist, self-obsessed dick. 

The problem was, I wasn't sure whether something new had happened, like a trapped nerve or another slipped disc, I'd caught a bug, or I was just having a particularly nasty flare up from one of my conditions, so I decided to hold off on going to the doctors, hoping it would magically improve on it's own in a couple of days. In my gut, I knew something wasn't quite right, but I didn't want to waste their time and I was even less eager to go in case it resulted in another scan (major claustrophobe right here) or getting hospitalised, if it did turn out to be serious, so I took my chances.

By the Saturday before last (18th Feb), the nerve pain had died down, but the shaking was only getting faster, and it was driving me crazy. Trembling constantly gets pretty irritating after a while. At 11pm or 12am that night, the shaking grew even faster and my heart began racing like crazy along with it. It was thumping so fast I thought my heart was going to explode. I tried everything I could think of to keep myself calm,and relaxed- deep breaths, concentrating on the TV, listening to some comforting music, reading... but nothing made a difference and it just wouldn't slow down. I couldn't relax, so I ended up being awake all night, too scared to sleep, thinking my heart was going to quit on me. I eventually drifted off around 6 or 7AM for two hours, but by 9AM I was awake again for the day, well and truly exhausted.

On the Sunday morning (19th Feb), the shakiness had climbed to a whole new level, and my heart was still beating furiously, so I was beginning to worry that something serious was going on with me. I decided to tell my Mum what was going on around midday, but I didn't know what to do- whether to go to A&E, wait to call the doctor the next morning, or do nothing and try to ride it out. I mulled it over and did my best to make myself as comfortable as I could curled up in bed, trying to distract myself with the TV and my cross stitch, but that didn't work at all. My heart rate was freaking me out so much it was impossible to concentrate on anything else.

After taking my second dose of medication for the day, around 3pm, my heart suddenly began beating uncontrollably, to the point I was struggling to catch my breath, and it just kept getting worse and worse. I was really starting to get scared by this point, so I knew it was time to see a doctor. I was adamant I didn't want anyone to call for an ambulance because I didn't want to take one away from someone who needed it more, when I was probably just making a mountain out of a mole hill. My Mum was panicking, so my sister, Marie, who used to be a nurse, came round, took charge and after feeling my pulse and being able to see my heart beating through my skin, phoned 111. After answering a million questions, about my symptoms and my health, he encouraged me to go straight to A&E, so I quickly chucked on some clothes, and found myself stressing about going out in public with no bra and dirty, tangled hair I'd not been well enough to wash in over a week more than my heart rate. I have my priorities down!

Marie drove me to A&E, and during the journey, it quickly got a lot worse. My heart was racing uncontrollably, and I began to get pain and tightness in my chest, made worse by every little bump in the road. By the time we got to the hospital in Oxford about 25 minutes later (I live out in the sticks), it was so tight and painful I felt horrendous, and was struggling to put one foot in front of the other to walk from the car in to the hospital. Marie wanted to go get me a wheelchair but I asked her not to because I was a little scared (by my heart, not of the hospital) and didn't want to be on my own feeling like that in a dark, quiet car park. Thankfully, a kind paramedic in the ambulance bay let us walk in through the ambulance entrance to A&E because I don't think I would have made it all the way through to the public entrance- it was quite a trek.

I somehow made it to the waiting room, and in to a chair, and Marie had to leave me on my own for a bit to check me in at reception. I honestly think that was the worst part of the whole ordeal for me that day because, although there were only about half a dozen people in the queue, there was only one person working on reception and the queue just wasn't moving. According to Marie, the woman was working at a snail's pace. She must have been waiting a good ten or fifteen minutes to be seen, but to me it felt like an eternity. I was feeling absolutely atrocious by this point, like I had the flu on top of the agonising chest pain that felt like my heart was being constricted within an inch of its life, I didn't think I was having a heart attack before I reached that waiting room, but I sure thought I was about to have one while I was sitting there alone.

Thankfully, once Marie had checked in, I only had to wait a few minutes before I was seen by a really friendly (possibly South American or Spanish) male nurse. I guess it was lucky that it was a Sunday night, and one of the quieter times of the week. It wasn't deserted, and there were dozens of patients, but it was far quieter than I'd expected the John Radcliffe A&E to be, even on a Sunday night. He really helped to put me at ease so from that point I was completely calm and stopped worrying because I felt like I was in good hands. He took all my medical info, along with my blood pressure (which I think got up to 150/110), temperature, and blood oxygen levels (both perfectly healthy), plus a bunch of other stats, and then directed me to a small waiting room within A&E where Marie and I waited until I was collected by a doctor a short while later.

I had two young doctors working on me at the same time, a man and a woman, neither were particularly chatty, but they did a good job of looking after me, and trying to work out what was going on through tests and asking loads of questions. I had some blood tests done, which ended up taking a while because they had difficulty finding a vein and drawing blood, and then was fitted with a cannula. Then after taking some stats, I was moved in to a cubicle, got hooked up to some monitors for a couple of hours, had various tests done, and had my very first ECG.

I was completely relaxed and unfazed, lying on the hospital bed having all these tests, but my heart rate was, unbelievably, racing away at up to 160BPM!! I don't know what it is usually, but I think it's in the region of around 70-75. I may be fat and chronically ill, but I've always had a really healthy heart rate for my size, even when exercising. It's never climbed even close to as high before, and I've never had any heart problems before, either. After a while it was still fluctuating between 127-140BPM, but it was beating steadily and consistently, apart from the occasional nerve twitch, and the doctors were scratching their heads because apart from my heart rate and blood pressure being a little high, all of the tests came back perfectly healthy. It was a relief to know I wasn't having a heart attack, but it still didn't explain why my heart was racing like crazy. I did tell the doctor that I had recently had my sulfasalazine dosage increased, but he didn't think anything of that, and after waiting around for the results of my blood tests for an hour or so, his best guess was I was probably just suffering from dehydration- although, I wasn't convinced that was all it was. He felt confident enough to discharge me by about half ten, so we made our way home again back to the sticks.

During the journey my heart rate got a little faster again, but I was hopeful I'd feel better in a day or two and just had to ride it out. Once I got home, I got some fluids in to me, managed to eat half a sandwich, as I'd eaten nothing all day, and took my painkillers, leaving out the sulfasalazine as I felt like I would vomit if I took another mouthful of water in order to swallow it. I crawled in to bed absolutely exhausted, and in agony, and thankfully, managed to fall asleep around 2AM.

The next morning (Feb 20th), I was feeling a little better, and my heart rate had slowed down a bit overnight, which was an encouraging step in the right direction. At 3PM, it began getting faster again, and after taking my last dose of medication for the day, at 12:20AM that night / Tuesday morning, it suddenly pounded to life once more, hammering away uncontrollably beneath my skin like a drummer on seventy-six cans of Red Bull beating the shit out of a drum kit. I automatically realised that my heart rate had noticeably increased after taking my medication that day, the afternoon before, and on Saturday night, and only during the doses that included my anti inflammatory drug, sulfasalazine. When I thought back, I was able to work out the shakiness and unusual symptoms had started around the time I'd had the dosage increased from three to four tablets a day. I Googled the known side effects of the drug to see if any of them matched up and whether I could be right... fast heart beat, chest pain, difficulty breathing, dizziness, abdominal pain possibly radiating to the back, gastric upset, bluish skin... so many of them fit. I was pretty certain I'd found the culprit, but that didn't stop me from spending another night being extremely panicky and struggling to remain calm. I couldn't catch my breath again, and I was so freaked out by the speed my heart was thundering I didn't fall asleep until dawn.

From early Tuesday morning (Feb 21st) and throughout Tuesday, my heart rate felt like it was speeding even faster than it was on the night I ended up in A&E, and I completely admit I was terrified. I hadn't taken any more of the tablets, but it wasn't slowing down, and it just felt like it was out of control. I couldn't calm myself down, I couldn't catch my breath, and my chest felt so tight, I was having difficulty breathing and speaking. I was so freaked out and unwell, I was in tears. I didn't see the point in going back to A&E after all of those tests had shown I was otherwise healthy, but we phoned my GP for advice mid-afternoon. She wasn't able to phone me back until 6:30PM, by which time the surgery was closed for the night, but she was pretty shocked to hear of what was and had been happening. She put me on hold while she looked up the reports from the hospital, and in to the side effects of sulfasalazine, and although she couldn't find increased heart rate listed in whatever literature she referred to, she agreed it probably was the cause, and not to take any again. She was quite concerned, so she booked me in to have another ECG at the doctors surgery the next morning, and to see her afterwards, but told me I was to go back to the hospital for help if I got worse at any stage beforehand.

So, I went in for my second ever ECG at midday the next day with a nurse at the practise, and was surprised that this time it only took five minutes. I'd fully expected to be there for at least an hour. My heart rate had slowed down considerably since the day before, but it was still very high, going at 117BPM- four and a half days after it first started racing. I think it climbed to around 180 BPM the night before, as I was averaging three beats a second, but I can't be certain because my medical knowledge is limited to two years of animal care, common sense, and episodes of Grey's Anatomy.

My GP saw me a little later and I have to say, she was very thorough, running all sorts of tests on me, to the point she even measured and compared the circumference of my calves. I'm still not sure why that was or what it had to do with my heart rate, but they didn't appear to be a problem. She was very concerned about my heart rate, but utterly bewildered because, by all accounts, everything was healthy and normal apart from my heart rate. She still wasn't entirely certain it was all caused by the sulfasalazine, but after hearing my evidence, it was the only conclusion she was able to make there and then. I was advised not to take them again, and asked to cut my amitriptyline dosage in half as apparently that can also increase the heart rate. I've been on that drug for over five years and nobody has ever told me that. She took more bloods before I left, and arranged for me to see her again the following Monday, but told me to contact her or go back to A&E if certain symptoms got worse at any point in the following days.

Over the following days, my heart continued to race with eagerness at various speeds, and I was basically on edge the entire time, freaking out whenever it sped up, slowed down, continued racing, or morphed in to palpitations. Basically every waking second. It probably sounds like I was being ridiculous and over-dramatic, but I kept worrying it was either going to turn in to a heart attack, or suddenly stop beating, exhausted and damaged from racing continuously for so long, because surely hearts can only withstand so much. It was really frightening. I found myself crawling down the stairs on a number of occasions when I could barely even stand because of my chronic pain, out of fear of being alone in my room feeling so on edge, in need of people to distract me from focusing on it.

On one particularly bad evening, Rosie, my dog, laid herself over my legs on the sofa, and wouldn't leave me, and kept watching me with this really concerned, fearful look in her eyes that I've never seen her make before. She even got up and put her foot on my heart a couple of times. Call me crazy, but I honestly think she knew I was ill and was trying to look after me.

By last weekend (25th-26th Feb), it finally felt like my heart was slowing down, and perhaps I was beginning to recover, except for the fact I now had palpitations, and my heart beat was fluttering every five or six seconds. It got a little faster again on the Sunday night, and kept me awake, so I was only able to catch two hours sleep before I was up for my doctor's appointment first thing last Monday morning (27th Feb).

At the doctor's surgery once more, my heart rate was fast again, and my GP was concerned that it still wasn't back to normal over a week since it had first began to race and I'd stopped taking the drug. (Although, it could have been racing because I had a pounding headache and every little sound in the noisy waiting room had been torture. My head hasn't stopped pounding in a fortnight). My blood tests had come back clear- my kidneys were healthy, my white blood count was normal... everything except my inflammation levels were perfectly fine, but we already know they're warped. She suggested that I should meet with a cardiologist for a 24 hour map of my heart (I think it was called a holtor test- like an ECG, but for an entire 24 hours) to get a more in depth look at how my heart is functioning, and hopefully get to the bottom of all of this, if the medication isn't the cause. I think it's a sensible idea at this stage, so I'm now waiting to hear back with an appointment.

She also pitched the idea about weaning me of my Amitriptyline and Tramadol painkillers, because apparently they can also speed up the heart. I had to be honest with her, and told her I'm barely coping with my chronic pain as it and I'm in so much pain 24/7 that I'm bed ridden most of the time and can't even look after myself properly, needing help from my family for a lot of things. I know I would not be able to function at all if she took me off both of them and left me with just paracetamol and vitamin D! I've experienced it before- an absolute twat of a doctor took me off all my meds cold turkey about four years ago, and I went through horrific withdrawal symptoms for three days because of his actions. I was in so much pain I was writhing in agony and couldn't even lie in one spot for more than ten seconds; it was agony and I've never been so sick or in so much pain in my life. I still get a little distressed when I think back to it, and I just can't go through that again. I agreed to cut my Amitriptyline down even further from 100mg to 25mg, but for now we're leaving the Tramadol as it is. Of course, if it does turn out something serious is going on with my heart, it's something I will have to consider, but I personally don't think it's currently causing me any of the problems.

When I got home, I got to thinking that perhaps it wasn't just the sulfasalazine causing the problem, but that it was still continuing because I had cut caffeine out of my diet since the night in A&E, to avoid aggravating my heart rate further, and that I could in fact be experiencing withdrawal symptoms from caffeine, alongside a reaction to the drug.

Here's where I admit I've had a pretty bad addiction to cola since I was about fifteen or sixteen, and have barely gone a day without at least one can of coke since the turn of the millennium. I'm now thirty-one. I'm not proud of it. I've completely wrecked my teeth, and I know it's extremely unhealthy to consume regularly, but I've never managed to kick the habit. I've tried, but never succeeded for more than a few days. I've been drinking maybe two or three cans a day in recent years, but since that night in the hospital, I've only drank one can altogether. It may or may not have been what started up my heart in the first place, but I'm becoming more and more certain that it's the reason why it's continued for so long: I've probably been experiencing withdrawal from caffeine these past two weeks! After doing a lot of Googling on caffeine withdrawal, the symptoms seem to fit, and I think I've found my answer. I queried this last night with my GP when she phoned to check how I was getting on, and she agreed it was highly likely to be what was going on. I'd had a bad reaction to sulfasalazine and aggravated it with caffeine withdrawal.

Let's just say, I'm not in a hurry to drink caffeine again any time soon.

My heart continued to race and flutter throughout last week, and at times I felt extremely unwell, but by Thursday, it finally began to slow down, and I started to feel more like myself again, with my chronic pain taking the lead once more. I still have palpitations and irregularities and it hasn't quite returned to a normal speed or rhythm just yet- and it picked up speed again over night and it's racing again now- but I'm hopeful I'm on the road to recovery now. I feel so much better this week, and can't wait for life to get back to normal. I guess time will tell if my medication and the caffeine were to blame, or if something more serious is underlying with my heart, but fingers crossed it's the former and I never have to go through something like this again. I can honestly say I've never been more scared in my life than I have been these past three weeks. I've been frightened and on edge the entire time and aware of every single beat thumping and fluttering under my skin. As much as I've tried, it's been near impossible to switch off and relax, and far too easy to focus on my own mortality. Give me chronic pain any day; it's much easier to live with.

I did attempt to blog a few times during all the craziness, but I found that trying to curate a blog post was too stressful and was increasing my heart rate, so I decided it was best to take a break from blogging until I was through the worst of it.  I couldn't even turn on my laptop much because I felt nauseated just looking at the screen. I'm sorry I went AWOL for a while, but now I'm finally feeling more like myself again, I'm hoping I'll be able to get back in to the swing of things, and start bringing you lots of exciting new content again. I have so much I want to blog about, but I think I'll just have to take it one day at a time and ease myself back in gently while I recover. One day at a time...

If you made it through to the end, thanks for reading, and listening to my boring rambles. I hope I've not sent you to sleep! I promise there'll be some more exciting posts on the blog soon!

Have you ever had a bad reaction to your medication, caffeine withdrawal, or problems with your heart?

An Apology

I just wanted to quickly apologise for the lack of outfit posts I've been bringing you lately. I've gone from posting them a few times a week to barely at all. It's not because I've lost my outfit blogging mojo- in fact I've been dying to share outfits with you as I love to- it's just sadly my back has been having other ideas.

My back injuries are like a hand holding the strings. They control my every move. I may by desperate to leap out of bed, get dolled up, cut my tethers and leave the confines of my home to live a normal life- to live, not just exist- but in reality, I can't. The hand pulls me back

 The pain in my spine and lower back from my disc injuries has been constant these last fourteen months; constant seering hot pain I never knew was possible. I have a high pain threshold, but after fourteen months the pain still overwhelms me to the point I often feel like I might pass out. I try to push myself through it, and get about when I can, but the majority of my life is now spent in bed just trying to get through to the next day. Nothing, not painkillers nor exercises, has brought me any relief or improvement as yet. I can do little more than lie on my side and read, surf the net, or blog with shaking hands to keep my mind busy for another day. I've become a slave to painting my nails to brighten up each day, and retain a little piece of normality.

In the last few months the pain has been almost intolerable. I've been unable to get dressed and pose for photos to blog with. The handful of times I have dressed, I've looked too dishevelled with hair scraped back, tired skin, and little energy for posing. I was hoping to change that last week as I had to leave the house for four appointments in five days. Seriously, I had no appointments for two whole months and four come along in the space of five days! I'm sure going to the dentist, hospital, Doctor's surgery, and a medical assessment in the same week is cruel and unusual punishment! Needless to say, I was struggling after the first one, and a right sorry state by the last, so I wasn't able to blog about what I wore.

 I'm still recovering from it all, but I hope I can get back to outfit blogging soon. I'm sorry that it's all a bit sporadic at the moment, but I will continue to post other types of fashion and beauty posts to fill the void in the mean time. If there's something you'd love me to blog about, just let me know.

I hope you can understand, and I just wanted to say thank you for sticking with me through my erratic, unreliable postings!