My Goals For 2021

With everything that's going on in the world right now, I wasn't sure whether I should set myself any goals for the year ahead. It almost seemed pointless; we're on lockdown; we can't go anywhere; we can't do anything exciting, and everything is so uncertain right now. I wondered if maybe I should just be concentrating on surviving this awful pandemic, and not on achieving silly little goals.

Some time during the last few weeks, between the boredom and lack of motivation, painful flares and anxiously worrying about the world, I've realised, I need goals. I need to have some things to work towards to keep myself busy and give my life a sense of purpose. They help keep me focused and motivated, and give me something to do with my time while housebound. It's how I've gotten through the last nine and a half years. I need things to do to stop myself getting bored and depressed.

So, I decided to set myself some goals after all. I haven't set myself anything big or unattainable to work towards, because I'd just be setting myself up for failure. I'm not aiming to travel around the world, buy a house, or become rich and famous. I just plan to work towards lots of little achievements, like reading lots of books, trying some new crafts, and perhaps even taking a holiday in England, if things improve enough by the summer. I'm not going to put any pressure on myself, though; if I achieve them, great; if I don't, that's okay, too. This year's going to be hard enough as it is without pointlessly adding unnecessary pressure, or beating myself up for being a failure. I'm going to do my best, but at the end of the day, they're not important life goals I need to achieve, just small ones meant for a challenge and a bit of fun.

So, here are some of my goals for 2021:

Read 40 Books

My main goal for 2021 is to read as much as possible. I've set myself the goal of reading forty books this year but I hope to read even more. I'm already on my sixth book of the year so far, so I'm well on my way to achieving my reading goal ahead of time. It feels good to be making progress on something right now, and letting myself escape from reality for a while every day. Reading has really helped me get through this miserable first month of lockdown. If you want to keep up with what I'm reading, you can find me on Goodreads here.

Cross Stitch More

I also want to get back in to cross stitching regularly again this year, and try to finish at least a few projects- especially as I stitched so little last year. I've already finished a little gingerbread man hoop, and have added a good chunk to the Christmas wall hanging I've been working on this month, so I feel like I'm off to a good start.

Improve My Embroidery Skills

When it comes to needlework, I could cross stitch in my sleep, but I don't have a lot of experience with embroidery. I'd like to try more of it, and improve my skills, so I'm aiming to attempt more embroidery projects this year. I've just bought myself this embroidery kit from Cotton Clara (in pink) to start off with, and make myself a memento from the pandemic. Not that it's a time I'm ever going to forget, but I thought it looked cute. I'm going to give it my own spin and use different coloured threads, and fill in some of the picture with different stitches to keep things interesting.

Learn to Crochet

I know this has been added to my New Year's goals every year for years now, but I still haven't learned to crochet. I was given some crochet hooks for Christmas, so I really don't have an excuse not to try now, so I hope 2021 will be the year I finally learn how to crochet. I want to start with a cute, pastel-coloured granny square blanket. 

Paint More

I want to find time to paint more often in 2021 because it's something I enjoy and find relaxing, but haven't done in ages. I'm not sure I even painted once in 2020. I won't pretend to be any good at it, but painting helps me destress and unwind, and anything that aids my mental health during Covid times deserves more dedication.

Shop For Presents Throughout the Year

My aim is to shop for presents for birthdays and Christmas etc. throughout the year again, to help spread the cost, and be organised ahead of time. I've already bought three presents since Christmas, so I'm off to a good start!

Participate in More Surveys

I want to get back in to participating in more online surveys again to make some extra pennies. I started off strong last year, but then Animal Crossing came out, and stole my attention span for the rest of the year. I've only been participating in short surveys on Prolific Academic since last April, but I'd like to make the effort to take part in a lot more on the other sites I used to frequent. The extra money would come in handy.

Get Out of the House More Often

I need to do my best to get out and about more regularly in 2021. Last year, I left the house less than ten times, and went seven months without stepping outside once. (Not even in to the garden). It's the longest I've ever spent at home in my nine and a half years with chronic illness, and I'd rather not repeat it. I need to escape captivity more often, get more fresh air, and more exercise, for my physical health, as well as my mental health. I just need to find a way to push through my pain more because it's really kicking my ass these days.

Blog More

Apart from in December, when I managed to unpack my blogging mojo with the Christmas decorations, I blogged very little in 2020. In fact, I blogged less than any year since I began blogging here in 2012. It wasn't for lack of trying, but I couldn't find the words or the energy very often. I'm hoping I can improve on that in the next eleven months, and blog more regularly again. I'm not off to a great start, with this being only my second post of the year so far, but I hope I can find my groove again soon.

Instagram more often

I also want to do my best to fill my Instagram grid with more photos. I barely shared any photos to it in 2020- mostly because I spent most of the year in bed ill, and didn't have anything interesting to post- but I enjoyed filling it with festive photos in December. I want to try to share more snippets from my life, so I have more memories to look back on, and more to share with you guys.

Grow Sunflowers From Seed

It's been years since I last grew some sunflowers from seed, but I really want to grow some this year so that the garden will be filled with happy yellow flowers by late summer. They're one of my favourite flowers.

There are also a few things I'd like to do which will be dependent on lockdown restrictions, and whether the virus improves or not. They might not be possible, but I'm going to be optimistic, and aim for them anyway because it's always nice to have hope.

Take a Holiday to Cornwall

One thing I'm desperate to do this summer is take a holiday to Cornwall. We chose to cancel our holiday there last year to keep ourselves safe, which was the right thing to do, but I was so disappointed as I'd been looking forward to returning to one of my favourite places for ages. Cornwall's like my second home. If restrictions ease (at the moment it feels like they never will), allowing us to travel longer distances again, and Covid infections and deaths reduce, my sister and I are hoping to get away for a week in June or September, either side of high-season when it should be quieter (and cheaper). (I'm not convinced it'll be possible in June, but maybe by September life will be a little better). We'd go self-catering, and stay in a static caravan, which makes it easy to stay away from other people, and we'd be able to disinfect everything, and use our own bedding and kitchenware for extra peace of mind. We might have to adapt some of our usual outings and avoid busier locations like St. Ives and Padstow to have a safe and socially distanced holiday, but I think it would be worth it for a week away. It could also give us a great opportunity to explore more of the quieter south coast, which we haven't visited as much as North Cornwall. To be honest, I'd just be happy to relax around the caravan with a book and some good food, listening to the sound of the sea in the background and seagulls crying overhead. I'd have to spend most of the time resting in the caravan anyway, as my pain quickly becomes overwhelming, so we wouldn't be spending all day out and about around people, putting ourselves at risk. Of course, if the virus doesn't improve or gets worse, we won't risk taking a holiday at all, but we're hoping to go if things get better.

Visit The Cotswold Wildlife Park

I want to pay my local zoo, The Cotswold Wildlife Park, more visits this year. It's only a few miles down the road from me, and we figure it would be the perfect place to visit regularly during Covid times to exercise and get some fresh air, while having cute animals and pretty plants to see along the way. The scenery is gorgeous in all seasons, and social-distancing is easy there, so we should take advantage of it and support a local business, when it reopens after lockdown. The visits always push my chronic pain to the limit, so it would challenge me to push through my pain threshold more, too. 

Visit Whipsnade Wild Animal Park

Another zoo I'm hoping to visit this year is Whipsnade Wild Animal Park. (I love a good zoo). It's one of my favourites in the country, but it's been over a decade since my last visit. It's a huge zoo with an amazing collection of animals, including elephants, hippos, rare Indian rhinos, and various big cats, and they have loads of open space which would make social distancing a breeze. You can take your car in, too, which we would do, as it's the only way I'd be able to cover the vast terrain now. We're hoping to be able to go once the weather gets warmer, so hopefully zoos will have reopened and restrictions will have eased by the summer so we can go.

Visit Longleat Safari Park

We were hoping to go to Longleat to see the Christmas lights trail in December, but then Covid restrictions were tightened in my area, so it went out the window. I've always wanted to go to the safari park, and after learning they now have koalas, wombats, and aardvarks- three animals I've never seen in real life but have always wanted to- I want to go even more. Hopefully we'll be able to fit in a trip this year if restrictions ease again later in the year. Who knows, maybe we'll even be able to visit the Christmas lights trail there in December, too.

Visit Badbury Clump woods when the bluebells flower

There's a woods local to where I live that gets carpeted with bluebells in late spring. I'd really like to go see them at least once this year, because it's such a pretty sight, and I never made it last year. It would be great to get outside, explore nature, and take a few photos of a sea of violet flowers.

Visit a Lavender Farm

I'd also really like to visit a lavender farm this summer, mostly for the pretty photo opportunities. I've never seen lavender fields before. There's one within driving distance called Cotswold Lavender located near Broadway in Worcestershire that my sister and I have wanted to visit for years, and we're hopeful we'll be able to fit in a visit this summer. (They don't reopen until June). I'd also love to find some sunflower fields to visit, but I haven't managed to locate any in The Cotswolds yet. Does anyone know of any?

So, those are some of my goals for the year ahead. 

What are your goals for 2021?

Looking Back on 2020

Well, that was unexpected.

When we said '2020, do your worst', this wasn't exactly what we meant! 

Twelve months ago, when we were looking to the year ahead, I don't think anyone could've imagined where the year would take us. How could we have done? Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that we'd be living through a deadly global pandemic. Not in my life time, not in the Western world and definitely not in suburban England. Things like that happened in sci-fi novels, and over-imaginative disaster films created on Hollywood sets, not in real life. It couldn't possibly happen in reality.

Or so I thought.

How wrong I was!

That shit got real really fast. 

It was without a doubt one of the worst, most surreal years in living memory for almost all of us. It felt like we were acting a script for a disaster movie, but the threat to our lives, being locked down, shops running out of food and supplies, and people dying in their millions wasn't so entertaining in real life. It was worrying and frightening, stressful, humbling, and down right heartbreaking.

It was bizarre to see how quickly the world changed from the vibrant one we knew to one governed by restrictions, fear, and illness. How quickly we got used to our new normal of staying home, wearing face masks in public, staying at least two metres apart (or miles apart from family and friends we couldn't see all year), and sanitising our hands because our lives might literally have depended on it. It was a lot to deal with and get used to, but we all handled it like pros. 

Admittedly, spending months on lockdowns and tiered restrictions was probably much easier on me than it was on most of you. I'd already been living my own personal lockdown since I developed chronic pain and illness again in 2011, so I'd long since gotten used to staying home most of the time, and had already learned how to occupy my time at home years before the first lockdown began. I consider myself lucky that lockdown life wasn't a culture shock for me. I didn't have to get used to confinement or feel bored as I learnt how to fill my time from home or feel sad about never seeing family and friends. It already was my life and I'd already gone through the adjustment period, so it gave me one less thing to adjust to in 2020. For once, being chronically ill has it's advantages. 

That's not to say that I didn't find the lockdowns and restrictions hard at times. There were days I was overwhelmed with cabin fever like everyone else. For some reason, being told you can't go out is harder to accept than knowing you're physically unable to go out. I had to get used to spending more time with my family at home with nowhere to escape. (An introvert's nightmare). My medical care was on hold for most of the year, and my referral to pain management postponed. I didn't have occasional trips to the supermarket or shops to break up confinement for most of the year, which always kept me going through chronic illness life. I didn't even have daily walks to look forward to. In fact, I didn't leave the house for seven whole months from February to September (partly because I was shielding, and partly because my health was so bad I couldn't get down the stairs for months). I can count on two hands how many times I ventured out during the entire year. It's the most I've stayed at home since the year I became housebound. I made the best of it, but I'm not going to lie, it was hard. 

There was the stress of food and medicine shortages at the start of the pandemic; I remember scouring Amazon Pantry for tins of soup in March. My anxiety was all over the place for a while as I worried about my family catching and dying from the virus. I became one of those people who disinfects packages coming in to the house, which I've continued to do for peace of mind despite parcels supposedly carrying little risk. I never thought I'd be one of those people! I learnt to wear a face covering in public like second nature, keep as far away from other people as possible, and anti-bac my hands more than I've ever done in my life.

Who'd have thought that the must-have fashion accessory of the year would be a face covering, and the most-needed beauty product of 2020 would be anti-bacterial hand gel??

As well as being a rough year for the world, it was also another rough year for my health. My Arthritis and Fibromyalgia both worsened again, and flared more often, which was probably at least partially because of the added stress. The Arthritis in my knees and feet got so bad, there were weeks when I could barely bare weight on my legs at all, and I couldn't get down the stairs for months. My chronic back and spinal pain was also pretty hard to take at times, and my Fibro fatigue got much worse. I lost count how many times I dozed off while I was in the middle of something (most days), and how many times I woke up in the morning feeling more exhausted than before I went to sleep. I rolled with the punches and got through it a day at a time, but it was harder without regular medical appointments, and breaks from captivity to look forward to and keep me sane. It was surreal going from early February to November without a single medical appointment, when I'd normally have at least a couple of appointments a month, but also kind of nice to have a break from doctor's surgeries and hospitals after nine years of it all.

It was a year of negatives, but I feel fortunate that it wasn't a devastating year for my family personally, when millions of people around the world weren't so lucky. We all made it through unscathed. Nobody in my family developed Covid or got sick, and nobody lost their jobs or income, homes or businesses.  We're all still safe, and that's all that really matters. I'm grateful for that. 

There were no big adventures or achievements in 2020. We chose to cancel our holiday to Cornwall to keep ourselves safe, and a couple of concerts I'd been looking forward to got rescheduled again and again. It was disappointing, but I'd prefer disappointment to catching Covid or putting my family at risk.

I took a socially-distanced day trip to The Cotswold Wildlife Park in the autumn, and paid a quick visit to the Appleton Christmas Barn in December, which were the only two fun visits I took during the entire year. The literal handful of other times I left the house were just for trips to the supermarket or doctor's surgery.

2020 was all about appreciating the little things in life more than ever before. I made time to read almost every day and finished thirty-one books. I got addicted to Animal Crossing New Horizons and spent more hours playing on it every day than I'd care to admit. It was a great help to my anxiety, especially at the start of the pandemic, and a fun way to socialise with friends since we couldn't do so in the real world. I cross stitched a little, but not nearly enough. I watched a lot of movies and TV shows. I spent time with my dog and my family. I was also able to see a little of my sister and brother-in-law who moved back from Germany to our hometown at the end of the summer.

I saw the world through new eyes, and appreciated the little things more than ever before, like sunny days, pretty sunsets, watching squirrels foraging in the garden and red kites gliding overhead (from my bedroom window), having enough food in the cupboards, the first taste of foods we couldn't get hold of for months, cuddles with my dog, good books, creative hobbies, and conversations with friends. The little things became the big things, and often became the highlights of the day. 

One thing I do regret about 2020 is how little I blogged. In fact, I blogged less than any year since I began this blog in 2012. It wasn't for lack of trying, but I just wasn't in the right head space to get the words out, and I struggled to take the photos I needed because my chronic pain was so bad. I worked hard to make up for it in December, and at least finished the year off strong with lots of fun, festive posts. I hope I can improve on last year's blogging tally, and create more content in 2021. I'm not going to make any promises, and I'm not going to pressure myself, but I'm going to do my best, and we'll see what happens.

Looking ahead, life doesn't seem so hopeful right now. 2021 hasn't got off to the best start with Covid deaths and cases rising at a scary rate, restrictions tightening, and most of us going in to another lockdown, so it's hard to find much hope or enthusiasm for the year ahead. I want to believe that life will start getting better this year now that vaccines are being rolled out, but right now it feels like it never will. I'm just going to hold on to that little bit of hope that things will get better, and maybe a year from now, life will be a little more 'normal' again. It might take a bit longer, but we will get there. At least we know from history that pandemics always end eventually.

It might be another tough year for all of us, but I'm going to concentrate on getting through it one day at a time, and do my best to enjoy the little things as much as possible. I'm going to read and craft, blog, play Animal Crossing, watch movies, spend time with my family, appreciate nature, and try to get out of the house as often as I can. I'm going to look for the positives in my daily life as much as possible, appreciate what I have, and hope for a more positive year than the one we've left behind.       

I hope it's a more positive year for you, too.                                                      

Here's to a safe and happy, Covid-free year ahead for all of us. 

2021, please don't do your worst.

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